In the future, it is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people than younger people in many countries. Is it a positive or negative development?
In the modern era, with the development of society, the ageing
population
has become a widespread concern in some countries and it will lead to bad implications. In the next
following paragraphs, I will discuss the disadvantages of Correct word choice
apply
this
issue with the reasons behind this
.
One of the major challenges of the growing population
of elderly people is that it puts a strain on the government
coffer. The government
ought to spend a larger budget for healthcare services and pensions in lieu of allocating money for technology and infrastructure development. This
issue can cause not only overcrowding in healthcare and public services but also
reduce welfare in one country.
Another problem facing the proliferation of the elderly population
is that the proportion of citizens of working age will decline. There are a host of companies as well as
industries that have trouble finding a workforce. Additionally
, the young generation, who are considered to be the main contributor to the economy, have to spend more time taking care of their elderly parents and the concentration time on work will be reduced vastly. Therefore
, this
problem has an adverse bearing on the economy when the difference between higher pension spending and lower tax revenues can seriously affect public funds. For example
, Japan , which is one of the developed countries , is experiencing an ageing population
. The serious shortage of human resources in some occupations such
as engineers and workers has forced them to import labor from other countries. The Japanese government
must introduce policies to encourage increased birth rates and support immigrants who work and pay taxes for them to ensure economic growth.
In conclusion, in my opinion, the drawbacks of the elderly population
are undeniable. The government
should take timely policies to prevent this
issue and encourage their residents to raise birth rates.Submitted by midden-02.tore on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the main points effectively, but incorporating more specific examples (beyond Japan) might strengthen your argument and provide a more comprehensive explanation.
coherence cohesion
Aim to maintain a consistent flow by linking your ideas with transitional phrases. This could enhance the coherence of your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.
task achievement
Your essay provides a thorough response to the task, exploring the implications of an ageing population.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your ideas.
task achievement
Good use of specific country example (Japan) to illustrate the consequences of an ageing population.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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