IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some areas of the US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, most societies have some problems for
kids
Use synonyms
, especially teenagers. In some regions of the US, there is a rule which is prohibited to go out during the night without an adult. Some people believe that it is the best way to protect and monitor them. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea, and in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will support my opinion with examples. First of all, children must stay with their
friends
Use synonyms
 or classmates when they have
time
Use synonyms
. The
time
Use synonyms
 is mostly evenings. Spending
time
Use synonyms
 with
friends
Use synonyms
 may broaden their horizons.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 cannot protect or follow their
kids
Use synonyms
 all the
time
Use synonyms
 because the
kids
Use synonyms
 have to solve regular problems on their own.
For example
Linking Words
, the
parents
Use synonyms
 let
kids
Use synonyms
 go to summer camping when they reach 8 in Australia
according to
Linking Words
 ABC News in 2023, and
this
Linking Words
 is the beginning of making decisions for them.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 must be the
last
Linking Words
 choice to take care of children all the
time
Use synonyms
 for
parents
Use synonyms
 unless the government cannot solve any crime which may affect teenagers.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if
parents
Use synonyms
 do not know the best three to five
friends
Use synonyms
 of their child, it may show that they really do not pay attention to their
kids
Use synonyms
 to exactly know what they are doing right now.
This
Linking Words
 is one of the main reasons why their boys are mostly in trouble.
For instance
Linking Words
, a statistic shows that 70 per cent of boys already have been recorded by the police when
parents
Use synonyms
 do not know any
friends
Use synonyms
' names of their
kids
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, staying at home in the evenings is a good thing,
however
Linking Words
,
kids
Use synonyms
 have the right to go out when they are free. Personally, going out with adults must be the
last
Linking Words
 option for teenagers.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Clarify certain points for better understanding. For example, explain why spending time with friends in the evening is more beneficial than during the day.
coherence and cohesion
Strengthen the connection between your ideas. Some points feel slightly disconnected. For example, the transition between discussing children's independence and the role of parents could be smoother.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines your opinion and sets the stage for the rest of the essay.
supported main points
You include some relevant statistics and examples, which help in supporting your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • enforce
  • juvenile
  • repercussions
  • autonomy
  • adolescence
  • paternalistic
  • delinquency
  • municipality
  • ordinance
  • authoritarian
  • peer pressure
  • social dynamics
  • civil liberties
  • community policing
  • preventative measures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: