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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows the proportions of income spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.

The table shows the proportions of income spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.
#proportions #income #items #uk
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The chart depicts the amount of revenue that the crowd spent on 4 everyday items in the UK in 1998. To start with, People who like to eat and listen to
music
Use synonyms
 spend a great percentage of money in his category.
Although
Linking Words
 food was shown to be more popular than
music
Use synonyms
,
consequently
Linking Words
 1\4 adults gave their money to their stomach,
which
Correct your spelling
with
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 women
had
Wrong verb form
having
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 more addiction than men(39% and 14%).
However
Linking Words
, Children seemed less likely to pay for the food than adults which was approximately 10%. At that time, 5% of dwellers unwind
while
Linking Words
 listening to the
music
Use synonyms
.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, teenagers had
a
Change the article
an
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 interest compared to adults(around 40%) .
By contrast
Linking Words
, The population who were into making videos and taking clips were not over 3%, despite of, youngstres who had a passion to contribute videos were 12%, respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, tech equipments were out of fashion, drastically 5% and 23%.
Overall
Linking Words
, as can be vividly seen from the chart, A number of people got pleasured in terms of spending money on
music
Use synonyms
 and food.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, other
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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 were less likely by persons.
Submitted by abdurahimov03 on

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words music with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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