According to an international travel magazine, many tourists today fly straight to their holiday resort and almost never leave it. Unlike tourists in the 1960s and 70s, they return home with no experience of the local culture. Why do you think this happens? How was tourism different in the past?

#travel #magazine #tourists #holiday #resort #home #culture #tourism

An international magazine shows that nowadays many travelers book plane tickets to fly straight to their destination and do not

almost

Rephrase

apply

show examples

go out during their vacation.

On the contrary

, in the 1960s and ‘70s,

travelers

Change the spelling

travellers

show examples

often experienced and explored a lot of things so they had memorial memories. In my opinion, I think that we can do anything as long as we feel comfortable and chill out during a trip. Earlier, tourists often

traveled

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travelled

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to discover many things and meet local people except to relax. Because they did not develop technical advances, tourists did not have

smart phones

Correct your spelling

smartphones

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so they wanted to hang out with

friends

or family. They could visit beautiful places, take photos, go sightseeing or enjoy delicious foods and drinks.

In addition

, they

also

met local people and lived with them during travel time.

Also

, when they went home, they would have a lot of good memories and added many

friends

. At

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

present, most people like to fly straight to a

resort

because they want to relax after long, hard-working or studying days.

For example

, in

Viet Nam

Correct your spelling

Vietnam

show examples

, office staff or workers just have

Lunar

Correct article usage

the Lunar

show examples

New Year, which is the longest day off, so they want to find locations which bring them comfort and reduce stress.

Besides

because

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

the

resort

supplies everything from

foods

Fix the agreement mistake

food

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and drinks to

sport

Wrong verb form

sports

show examples

or somewhere

travelers

Change the spelling

travellers

show examples

can visit or take photos. The

resort

also

provides good staff and receptionists who schedule clearly to help them during the trip.

In addition

, some tourists like private travel with their family or

friends

That is

why they choose

resort

Correct article usage

the resort

show examples

as it is all modern conveniences. They do not need to go out to contact or make

friends

with someone,

instead

Add a comma

instead,

show examples

they spend that time

for

Change preposition

with

show examples

family or

friends

. In conclusion,

each

Change preposition

in each

show examples

time period, each person will have different thoughts so they will have different experiences. In my opinion, I think that everyone’s purpose is relaxation and satisfaction.

Submitted by vuhien4397 on Sat Dec 16 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay does not have clear paragraphing and the ideas are not well-organized which affects the logical structure. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and the supporting sentences are directly related to it.

coherence cohesion

Include an introductory sentence that paraphrases the question and a conclusion that summarizes the main points. Both elements are underdeveloped in the essay.

coherence cohesion

Expand the main points with clear examples and explanations to support them. The essay lacks depth in the development of ideas.

task achievement

The response to the task is incomplete as the differences between past and present tourism are not well explored. More detailed comparisons and reasons must be provided to fully address the prompt.

task achievement

Ideas need to be clearer and more comprehensive. Strive for clarity of expression and ensure that all parts of the prompt are directly addressed with relevant points.

task achievement

The essay lacks specific examples to illustrate the points made about contemporary and historical tourism trends. Including such examples will make the argument more persuasive and complete.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

323 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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According to an international travel magazine, many tourists today fly straight to their holiday resort and almost never leave it. Unlike tourists in the 1960s and 70s, they return home with no experience of the local culture. Why do you think this happens? How was tourism different in the past?

Fully explain your ideas

nowadays many people choose to be self-employed , rather than to work for a company or oraganisation.why might this be the case? what could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

Plastic containers have become more prevalent than ever. They are used in many businesses such as in the food and beverage sector. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

some people agree with spending lots of money on a large wedding while other think it is a wastage of time what is our opinion

The raise of living standard benefits mostly cities, not the rural areas. What are the causes of this problem? What issues might such differences lead to? How can we prevent these issues?