IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Vaccinating children against preventable diseases is not only unnecessary but also dangerous. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

For many years, vaccination has become increasingly common
among
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in
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 society. Some people support the opinion that using vaccination to prevent
diseases
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 in
children
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 is not crucial and is harmful.
This
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 essay will argue that vaccination is completely necessary for
children
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's health and well-being. Vaccinating
children
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 has long been a source of concern for many parents.
This
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 is because many parents fear the unknown substances contained in
vaccines
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 being injected into their
children
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’s bodies.
Furthermore
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, they are concerned about the safety and potential side effects of
vaccines
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.
For example
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, a study conducted in the UK reported that 45
percent
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per cent
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 of
children
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 who received the COVID-19 vaccine experienced multiple side effects, including hair loss and loss of smell and taste.
As a result
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, many parents will refuse to use
this
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 method as a way
against
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to
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 preventable
diseases
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. Preventable
diseases
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 remain a major cause of mortality among
children
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 worldwide.
Vaccines
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 not only prevent infectious
diseases
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 but
also
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 contribute to eradicating many life-threatening illnesses.
Although
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 side effects can occur, the benefits of
vaccines
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 outweigh their drawbacks.
This
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 invention has not only contributed to population growth but has
also
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 reduced the impact of many
diseases
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, thereby helping the body build immunity.
For instance
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, a child can gain immunity by being injected with a small amount of a virus or bacteria. When the body encounters these substances again, it can destroy them and store the genetic information in the immune system’s memory.
To sum up
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,
vaccines
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 are essential for
children
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, even with their drawbacks. In conclusion,
this
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 essay argued why vaccinating
children
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 is crucial and contributes to reducing mortality and morbidity rates. I believe that it greatly benefits our world.

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task response
Task response: The essay argues for vaccines but does not show the other side. Add a brief counter point and a short, clear conclusion that restates your view.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The plan is not clear. Use one main idea per paragraph and start with a topic sentence. Link ideas with simple words like first, next, also, but, however, and finally.
advice
Evidence: Use more strong and true facts. Be careful with numbers. If you are not sure, do not use them. Keep facts simple and true.
evidence
Examples: Give at least two clear examples to back your point. The study number in the essay should be checked or kept out if not right.
language
Language: avoid wrong word like 'invention'. Use 'vaccine' and keep simple words. Check spelling and grammar in each par.
task response
The essay shows a clear view on vaccines.
coherence
There are some good ideas on how vaccines save lives.
coherence
The text is easy to read in parts, with some good flow between ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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