Some people believe it is better to raise children in the city, while others consider the countryside to be a more suitable choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #city #countryside #choice

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Children

Use synonyms

play a crucial role in society and their upbringing has a significant effect on their future

as well as

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the future of the country.

Therefore

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, there always has been discussion about the best location to raise those

children

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. Some argue that the best option would be to raise in the urban area, whilst others prefer the

countryside

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. I genuinely believe that raising

children

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in a city would be a more appropriate option. Many parents tend to choose to raise their

children

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in a city

due to

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its convenience and better development of

children

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’s abilities. Having many facilities that are essential for

children

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’s upbringing,

such

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as schools, sports

centers

Change the spelling

centres

show examples

, and kindergartens, at a close distance can help adults easily find the most appropriate place for their

children

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’s study.

This

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diversity allows parents to expose their

children

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to different interests and talents, fostering a well-rounded development.

Moreover

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, it is more comfortable for parents to have their jobs, close to their

children

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because of much easier transfer and quicker appearance in the case of an emergency.

Therefore

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, it can be beneficial for both work-life balance and family well-being.

However

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, many disagree and prefer the

countryside

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because of its much safer location and better nature. It has been statistically proven that the

countryside

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tends to have much smaller crime rates compared to cities.

Therefore

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, many adults worried about the safety issues of their

children

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are living outside of the town.

Moreover

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, villages have a much quieter atmosphere and cleaner air, because of a small number of vehicles. All of

this

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can help

children

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to grow much healthier, without any significant problems related to crimes. In conclusion,

while

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living in the

countryside

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has benefits in terms of safety and health, I strongly believe that the benefits of raising

children

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in cities, particularly in terms of convenience and better skill development, will make it a much more appropriate option.

Submitted by abdullaevayt on Sat Dec 16 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas progress logically from one to the next. While there is a logical structure, transitions between ideas can sometimes feel forced or abrupt.

coherence cohesion

Introductions and conclusions should restate the topic and encapsulate the main points of the essay. The introduction and conclusion are present and generally serve their purpose, but could be refined to better emphasize your own opinion in relation to the discussed views.

coherence cohesion

Support main points with ample evidence. While main points have been supported, there is room for more detailed examples and evidence. Providing real-world examples or citing studies could enhance the persuasiveness of the arguments.

task achievement

Ensure that the response fully addresses all parts of the task, which includes discussing both views and giving your own opinion. The essay meets this criterion, but the personal opinion could be better integrated throughout.

task achievement

Make the ideas and propositions in the essay clear and comprehensive. The ideas conveyed are understandable, but strive for more depth and clarity in expressing these ideas to solidify comprehension.

task achievement

Include relevant, specific examples to support points made. Examples given are somewhat generic. Adding more specific, perhaps personal or widely-recognized examples would make the argument more solid and relatable.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

314 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

urban environment
rural area
extracurricular activities
well-rounded development
advanced medical facilities
peaceful
less pollution
access to nature
community feel
foster a sense of belonging
natural surroundings
outdoor activities
healthy lifestyle
cultural richness
wholesome upbringing

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Some people believe it is better to raise children in the city, while others consider the countryside to be a more suitable choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In the past peope used to travel abroad to look for many differences from their home country. Nowadays, cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar What are the reasons? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Popular events like the World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. What factor contributes to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this?