IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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In today's world, a plethora of children spend considerable time on their smartphones, and
this
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 has become a common trend.
While
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 a number of people believe that it's the parent's duty to control smartphone usage, there are
also
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 a group of people who think the opposite. I somewhat agree with that,
on the contrary
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, I
also
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 think that the internet and communal networks can be good tools for education and broadening horizons. On one hand, smartphones can enhance children's learning experiences by providing access to educational apps and online resources.
For example
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, high school students can use the BBC website to prepare for communal studies or biology classes.
Moreover
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, staying connected through messaging and social media platforms can help in developing communication skills. In
this
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 case, students can text on social networks
such
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 as Facebook in preparation for a joint project.
On the other hand
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, the adverse aspects cannot be ignored. Excessive smartphone use may lead to a sedentary lifestyle, affecting physical health.
For example
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, youth may develop a dependence on online games and stop real communication with friends and doing sports. Can not be overlooked exposing toddlers to inappropriate content.
For instance
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, when searching the internet or google something, children might come across high-rated movies. In conclusion, I believe that there are positive aspects, but the negative impact on physical health and exposure to inappropriate content can not be disregarded. I suggest that moderation and parental guidance are crucial for ensuring a balanced and healthy use of smartphones by teenagers.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position regarding whether the phenomenon is positive or negative, to set the tone for the forthcoming paragraphs.
logical structure
Maintain a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout your essay. While you did manage to connect your ideas, some points felt hastily introduced without adequate transition or explanation.
supported main points
Support your main points with specific, detailed examples for enhanced clarity and credibility. General statements need further substantiation to fully develop your arguments.
complete response
Address all parts of the task, ensuring you take a clear stance on whether the use of smartphones by children is a positive or negative development. It's important for coherence and for the reader to fully understand your viewpoint.
clear comprehensive ideas
Expand on your ideas to fully explore and explain the topic. Clear, comprehensive arguments are essential to fulfill the task requirements and persuade your reader.
relevant specific examples
Use examples that are pertinent and effectively illustrate your point. Your current examples are relevant, but they could be developed further to add depth to your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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