Some people believe that allowing children to make their own decision on everyday matters (such as food, cloth and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.
Although
it is sometimes thought that decision-making by children
on their daily issues probably leads a community to focus on personal desires, some people
are of the opinion that children
need to decide about things that have impacts on them. Personally speaking, I would say that if younger people
make decisions
on their own, they are predicted to be more selfish when they grow up.
On the one hand, some people
believe that letting children
to
decide on usual affairs may cause society to be more individualistic in the future. Change the verb form
apply
In other words
, children
would not be able to learn team-working
and cooperation skills unless they consider others’ opinions and points Correct your spelling
teamwork
while
making a decision. A community which
Change preposition
in which
people
just pay attention to their own goals, furthermore
, might not undergo development as everyone only takes their choices, matters and benefits. What this
means is that ignoring
others’ ideas during Change preposition
by ignoring
decision-making
process, many Add an article
the decision-making
people
may not realize the upcoming effects of a decision on the whole community and I agree.
On the other hand
, it is believed that children
should be involved with
making Change preposition
in
decisions
that have influences
on their lives. Fix the agreement mistake
influence
By
Change preposition
In
this
way, they can learn the consequences of their decisions
by test
and Wrong verb form
testing
try
. Wrong verb form
trying
As a result
, they gain an
ability to Correct article usage
the
take
a decision which causes the least personal Correct your spelling
make
damages
. They, Fix the agreement mistake
damage
additionally
, learn how to criticize and analysis
issues to find out right solutions which enhances their critical thinking skills.
In conclusion, Replace the word
analyse
while
some people
think that the
society might be individualistic by permitting younger individuals to make everyday Correct article usage
apply
decisions
themselves, it is considered by others that it is essential for children
to decide about effective matters in their lives. In my opinion, I would say that if children
do not learn how to consider others’ ideas and experiences, it is likely to have a significant number of people
in the
society in the future who prioritize their own personal needs and wishes.Correct article usage
apply
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that it is expanded upon with explanations or examples to fully develop your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on linking ideas more effectively both within and between paragraphs; consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and topic sentences to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
You should present a fully developed position that addresses all parts of the task, including a balanced consideration of both sides of the argument. Endeavour to present, extend, and support your key ideas more thoroughly.
task achievement
When providing examples in your essay, aim to include specific and relevant instances that directly support your main arguments. This strengthens the reader's understanding of your point and the persuasiveness of your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example