In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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"Your dreams can come true

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apply

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if you try hard." It is one of the most heard quotes which is widely believed by some people all around the world and is told to

children

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This

Linking Words

sentence would have some pros and cons for kids who are starting to dream for their lives. In

this

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essay, I will introduce some of them. One of the most important advantages of

this

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fact would be hope that it tries to give to

children

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at every level of society, poor or rich and so on. It is a personality-based goal and denies so many real factors that could be faced in older ages

such

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as economic issues and other social discrimination. To build upon my point a little more, when parents advise their

children

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with some ideas like

this

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, they hope to motivate them and broaden their horizons by dreaming big, because if they do their best effort, the target can be achievable.

For instance

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, I have a vivid memory of being an astronaut when I was a kid. I did my best and studied seriously to become the person that I wished to

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be.

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But as I got older, the real factors started to show up in my life which made my dream disappear. I will extend

this

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factor in the next paragraph which is allocated to the drawbacks. In regards to the disadvantages,

firstly

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, They may not be faced in childhood but as we become youths we experience various kinds of social discrimination or problems which are usual for every human life.

For instance

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, If you are a girl, you can't be a pilot or participate in some professions as they are considered only for men. In

this

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situation, the girl who always had the wish to have one of these careers is forced to change her dream or should immigrate to the appropriate country. Both of these facts can be so disappointing for young people with big dreams.

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, as we grow, the reality of trying smart, not hard can show its importance more than in the past.

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it would be on a different side of the concept that we grew up with, it can be beneficial as far as you get to the point. From that moment, young people can change their mindset and live in a different and much more advantageous way. To put it in a nutshell,

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hard efforts can be motivating for

children

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, it denies realities mentioned in

this

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text which can be heavy to face in youth eras.

Submitted by shabnamoutokesh on Thu Dec 21 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that ideas are not repeated across paragraphs. Utilize a wider range of linking phrases to enhance coherence.

task achievement

Expand on the specific examples provided, ensuring that they clearly support the arguments made. Use additional examples where relevant.

task achievement

Be cautious of grammatical errors and ensure the use of tense is consistent throughout the essay. Work on varying sentence structures for improved readability and engagement.

task achievement

In conclusion, restate the main points more clearly to reinforce your arguments and give a brief summary of the essay's discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

422 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

achieve
try hard
positive mindset
self-belief
motivates
ambitious goals
resilience
determination
confidence
self-esteem
growth mindset
unrealistic expectations
disappointment
failure
effort
hard work
seek support
individual differences
abilities
capabilities

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In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

International tourism has brought enormous benefit to many places. At the same time, there is concern about its impact on local inhabitants and the environment. Do the disadvantages of international tourism outweigh the advantages?

Learning at university would be more effective if men and women were educated separetely. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Finding it hard to remember important fact and figures? Improve your memory in 10 weeks with our Memory Course. Places are limited and the course is available for only a short time.