Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leiure activity in many countries for young adults. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays shopping is considered one of the most engaging activities for youngsters to spend their spare
time
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, there are several factors that directly affect young
people
Use synonyms
's shopping behaviours and preferences which result in a negative development.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
tend to spend a significant proportion of their leisure
time
Use synonyms
purchasing various goods and services that align with their preferences.
This
Linking Words
growing trend is prevalent , especially among younger adults who enjoy sauntering in different malls. The main cause of
this
Linking Words
tendency is
people
Use synonyms
's constant exposure to advertisements that promote numerous
products
Use synonyms
and unconsciously compel them to make impulsive purchases.
For example
Linking Words
, companies employ various social media platforms,
such
Linking Words
as Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube, to make
people
Use synonyms
familiarize
with
Correct pronoun usage
themselves with
show examples
their
products
Use synonyms
. Being aware of
this
Linking Words
common practice,
people
Use synonyms
are exposed to those promotions on a daily basis and consider buying those goods even if they do not actually need them.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they prefer to use their free
time
Use synonyms
by looking for those
products
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, making constant purchases might lead consumers to squander all their money on the
products
Use synonyms
they can live without.
This
Linking Words
activity actively encourages customers to splurge on luxury items or expensive clothing without taking the consequences of those purchases into account.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
can actually run out of money and might encounter serious financial challenges.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
tendency might increase the prevalence of materialism among
people
Use synonyms
and motivate them to possess more in order to feel happier and more valuable.
For instance
Linking Words
,there are certain
people
Use synonyms
who believe in the therapeutic effects of shopping, which is the instant happiness it provides that only
Linking Words
last
Replace the word
lasts
show examples
temporarily.
Hence
Linking Words
, persuading
people
Use synonyms
to believe in that theory is the calculated strategy implemented by certain businesses which results in a lack of happiness and satisfaction levels among
people
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe spending
time
Use synonyms
in shopping centres has detrimental influences on
people
Use synonyms
and
stimulate
Correct subject-verb agreement
stimulates
show examples
them to splash out their money without thinking and be happy with material items which is a negative development that many
people
Use synonyms
struggle with.
Submitted by Narmin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
To enhance the Task Response, try to broaden the range of examples and make sure they clearly connect to the points you are making. Additionally, explain more thoroughly why some behaviors are considered negative or positive.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, consider using a variety of linking words and phrases. This will help to make the essay flow more smoothly and make your argument easier to follow. Try avoiding repetition of certain phrases and words.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion effectively.
supported main points
The main points are well-supported with specific examples, which strengthens the argument.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: