The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Recently, there have been a lot of discussions about
health
and whether it is going to improve or not. In my opinion, I think that people
will become unhealthier in the future
than they are now.
There are many reasons that support the idea of people
becoming unhealthy in the future
.
Firstly
, one reason is that of food
. People
tend to eat more fast food
nowadays. They tend to
treat themselves with sweets and chocolate whenever they want. This
appears to be because people
are busier now than they used to be. So, people
don’t have a chance to cook or even learn the art of cookery. Also
, having a lot of unhealthy food
can lead to obesity and it could be a serious issue in the future
. Another reason is that technology
is developing everyday
. Young Replace the word
every day
people
enjoy buying new gadgets and the latest devices. This
has a negative impact on their health
, especially when they enjoy video games. Spending long hours looking at a screen can lead to bad eyesight and obesity as well. Yet another reason is that laziness is a big issue. Different forms of exercise
might disappear in the future
because people
don’t like sports. Also
, people
prefer spending most of their time on the
internet
and the internet is growing every single day.
Other Capitalize word
Internet
people
might disagree and say that health
will improve in the future
. They believe that new sports and new ways to exercise
will appear in the future
. However
, I don’t think it can happen since the majority of people
spend less time outdoors. Moreover
, other people
believe that technology
will try and help people
improve their health
. For example
, there have been some games released on the Wii console that makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
people
exercise
but technology
is developing more in a negative way. For instance
, many phone industries are developing new applications everyday
and today’s generation likes to follow every trend. Replace the word
every day
This
prevents people
to go
outside to Change preposition
from going
exercise
. They like to spend more time on the internet downloading new programmes or reading gossips
about Fix the agreement mistake
gossip
celebraties
. Correct your spelling
celebrities
This
affects people
’s health
badly.
In conclusion, I believe that people
’s health
is affected negatively by fast food
, technology
and sports and it will be a problem in the future
.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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task achievement
Your essay presents the main ideas, but some could be further developed. While you present valid points about fast food, technology, and sports, elaboration on these aspects with more in-depth examples could strengthen the argument and make it more convincing. Consider expanding each point with detailed analysis or case studies which would lend more weight to your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The overall coherence is satisfactory, but care should be taken to ensure logical flow throughout the essay. Some parts of the essay may benefit from better transition phrases and clearer links between paragraphs. A smoother progression of ideas from one point to the next will help in creating a cohesive argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.