IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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Some experts believe that, if a
country
Use synonyms
 is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth will not make
citizens
Use synonyms
 any more satisfied, i totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion, because not always
money
Use synonyms
 can make happiness. On the one hand, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion because there are several reasons for it.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
country
Use synonyms
's
economy
Use synonyms
 is not an important aspect as culture or safety to make
citizens
Use synonyms
 satisfied. If the
country
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 is not safe, but with a high
economy
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, it will not make
people
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 satisfied, because
people
Use synonyms
’s life is much more expensive than
money
Use synonyms
 and
people
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 care more about their health and life than
money
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. Norway is a good example. Norway is the
country
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, where
people
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 live with happiness,
whereas
Linking Words
 Norway’s
economy
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 is not high.
Last
Linking Words
 year’s statistics showed that 95% of all
citizens
Use synonyms
 in Norway were satisfied because of the environment and
citizens
Use synonyms
' kindness.
Therefore
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, not only a high
economy
Use synonyms
 or
money
Use synonyms
 can bring happiness.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are disadvantages to
this
Linking Words
 opinion.
Firstly
Linking Words
, if the
country
Use synonyms
’s
economy
Use synonyms
 is high, the salary will be high too and it make
people
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 satisfied.
People
Use synonyms
 can make themselves happy if they will buy new things. Nearly 70% of all
people
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 often be halo when they buy new things,
for example
Linking Words
, a new car. Because of
this
Linking Words
 aspect,
people
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 can be satisfied with the
country
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 where they live .
Therefore
Linking Words
,
Money
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 can satisfy
people
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 , and the high
economy
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 of the
country
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 is the reason for
this
Linking Words
. In conclusion, I agree that the high
economy
Use synonyms
 of the
country
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 is not as important as health or safety,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 a high
economy
Use synonyms
 can make
people
Use synonyms
 more pleased.

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Task Achievement
Work on providing a more balanced view. Make sure to explore both sides of the argument equally to strengthen your response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance logical transitions between ideas with more linking words or phrases to guide readers through your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clarify complex ideas and aim to develop them fully to showcase your reasoning abilities.
Task Achievement
Led with a clear statement expressing your stance in the introduction, which engaged the reader.
Task Achievement
Provided a specific example about Norway, which illustrated your point effectively and added depth to your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Included a definitive conclusion, summarizing your views well and tying your essay together.
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