Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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Some experts believe that, if a
country
is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth will not make
citizens
any more satisfied, i totally agree with
this
opinion, because not always
money
can make happiness. On the one hand, I agree with
this
opinion because there are several reasons for it.
Firstly
, the
country
's
economy
is not an important aspect as culture or safety to make
citizens
satisfied. If the
country
is not safe, but with a high
economy
, it will not make
people
satisfied, because
people
’s life is much more expensive than
money
and
people
care more about their health and life than
money
. Norway is a good example. Norway is the
country
, where
people
live with happiness,
whereas
Norway’s
economy
is not high.
Last
year’s statistics showed that 95% of all
citizens
in Norway were satisfied because of the environment and
citizens
' kindness.
Therefore
, not only a high
economy
or
money
can bring happiness.
On the other hand
, there are disadvantages to
this
opinion.
Firstly
, if the
country
’s
economy
is high, the salary will be high too and it make
people
satisfied.
People
can make themselves happy if they will buy new things. Nearly 70% of all
people
often be halo when they buy new things,
for example
, a new car. Because of
this
aspect,
people
can be satisfied with the
country
where they live .
Therefore
,
Money
can satisfy
people
, and the high
economy
of the
country
is the reason for
this
. In conclusion, I agree that the high
economy
of the
country
is not as important as health or safety,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
a high
economy
can make
people
more pleased.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Task Achievement
Work on providing a more balanced view. Make sure to explore both sides of the argument equally to strengthen your response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance logical transitions between ideas with more linking words or phrases to guide readers through your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clarify complex ideas and aim to develop them fully to showcase your reasoning abilities.
Task Achievement
Led with a clear statement expressing your stance in the introduction, which engaged the reader.
Task Achievement
Provided a specific example about Norway, which illustrated your point effectively and added depth to your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Included a definitive conclusion, summarizing your views well and tying your essay together.
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