Some people believe that hoobies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. To what extend do agree or disagree?
A
hobby
is an activity that we enjoy doing in our free time
.Hobbys
distract us from work and can relax our brain and body.To enjoy Correct your spelling
Hobbies
this
process,some of us believe that hobbies
should be hard-to-do.I completely disagree with this
idea.In my opinion,it is not necessary to do extreme activities
,since it is harmful to health
and there are other free time
activities
that are more enjoyable.In the forthcoming paragraphs,I shall expound my thoughts in detail.
To begin
with,by doing challenging free time
activities
folks can get hurt and can have health
problems.Individuals are always eager to try something new.They believe that the more it's dangerous,the more it's enjoyable.So,they often forget about the consequences.When they try so-called hobbies
they often forget about injuries they can get and the safety stuff.As a result
,they get into a
serious Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
health
problems and they suffer from it for years.For example
,we have seen many accidents in
TV, that have been caused by trying extreme Change preposition
on
hobbies
.Plenty of them have been from unawareness of the consequences and the issues that the hobby
leads to.
Secondly
,there are various types of other hobbies
and they are not damaging to health
.I would like to point out that if we find the hobby
that we want to do,it will make us more satisfied.Basic drawing skills can give more cheerful feelings than jumping from mountains.For instance
,I find playing Dombyra interesting.As I play Dombyra in my free time
it cheers me up and relaxes my brain after studies.After each play,it motivates me to play like a professional and I do this
hobby
day in and day out.I feel excited about my progress and it makes me satisfied.
In conclusion,damaging activities
can lead us into
Change preposition
to
a
huge Correct article usage
apply
health
troubles,while
simple activities
make us happier and gives
us a sense of fulfilment.Change the verb form
give
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined and effectively bookend your arguments. Each should have a distinct purpose, with the introduction presenting the topic and your position, and the conclusion summarizing your main points and reiterating your stance.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with clear, logically developed arguments and relevant examples. Although there is an attempt to provide examples, they can be expanded upon to offer more depth and to better illustrate your point of view.
task achievement
Your response should address the task prompt completely, presenting a clear opinion and discussing the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement. While the essay shows an attempt to do this, the response could benefit from more depth and nuance in argumentation.
task achievement
Ideas should be expressed clearly and comprehensively, with a coherent progression throughout the essay. Aim to develop each idea fully before moving on to the next, ensuring a better understanding for the reader.
task achievement
Using a variety of relevant, specific examples can enrich your essay and support your arguments convincingly. Try to draw on a wider range of examples and ensure that they are directly relevant to the points being made.
Your opinion
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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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