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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

With the rapid development of communication(technology, such as smartphones, tablets, and other mobile devices, some people think the disadvantages outweigh its advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

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One of the greatest inventions of technology is the introduction of handheld
devices
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 that have made means of
communication
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 much simpler and easier compared to the past .
While
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 proponents of gadgets emphasize the transformation in
communication
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 networks, opponents argue that there are more downsides to
this
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 invention. I,
nonetheless
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, believe that the advancement in technology has radically transformed the
communication
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 system for good, and,
therefore
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, generates more beneficial outcomes.
This
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 essay delves deeper into the reasons supporting the advantages of
such
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 scientific production. First and foremost, handsets enable people to connect with their long-distance relationships.
In other words
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, not only do mobile
devices
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 allow to make phone calls, but
also
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 let individuals make video calls to their family members almost every day.
Additionally
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, the ominous presence of wifi networks has
also
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 enhanced
communication
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 prospects.
For instance
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, several mobile phones have default applications installed that operate on wifi, and let users stay in touch with their family and friends all over the world.
Hence
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, it can be explicitly observed that portable
communication
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devices
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 foster harmony in families and other relationships by keeping them connected.
Furthermore
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, several learning institutes and enterprises interview candidates over phone calls or video calls. To elaborate on
this
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 idea, from attending seminars to interviewing applicants, toils can be performed at people's convenience, without impacting their assessments.
For instance
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, were some applicants not able to travel or appear personally to perform their work , they would merely just go online and present themselves, at their own pace and comfort.
Thus
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, there is no gainsaying that the expansion of
communication
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 begotten an increased number of enrollments in universities
as well as
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 a higher rate of employment. In conclusion, admittedly, there are some formidable challenges presented by handheld
devices
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,
nevertheless
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, the simplification of the
communication
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 system has proved to be more favourable in terms of promoting unification in societies and opening more opportunities for study and work.

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task achievement
To make your essay even stronger, consider adding more specific examples to illustrate your points. For example, mention a real-life scenario or statistic about how mobile communication has benefited specific sectors.
task achievement
Ensure that all your points are fully supported with detailed explanations. This will make your argument stronger and more persuasive. For instance, elaborate more on how video calls have influenced personal and professional relationships.
coherence cohesion
Try to make the transitions between paragraphs slightly smoother. This will help to improve the flow of your essay and make it easier to follow your argument.
task achievement
Your introduction is clear and sets the stage for the essay, providing a strong thesis statement that indicates your position.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully divided your ideas into distinct paragraphs, each with its own main point. This helps in maintaining a logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main arguments and reiterates your thesis, providing a cohesive ending to your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rapid development
  • Widespread
  • Revolutionized
  • Instantaneous
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • International relations
  • Remote work
  • Social isolation
  • Face-to-face interactions
  • Addiction
  • Privacy concerns
  • Data breaches
  • Mental health
  • Digital detox
  • Data protection laws
  • Substantial
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