Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.

#children #hours #smartphones

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

t is a phenomenon that today’s

kids

tend to play computer games and watch animations on their electronic gadgets several

hours

a day. There are several reasons for

this

willingness and it has sets of pros and cons.

To begin

with, as the parents barely find

hours

to spend with their children, they usually buy a new smartphone for their child

instead

. With the help of the internet,

kids

can

fulfill

Change the spelling

fulfil

show examples

their loneliness and after a

while

, they become addicted to them.

Hence

, families overcome their responsibilities in

this

way

. Many studies showed that more than 50% of primary school students have at least one electronic device and spend more than 6

hours

of their time with it.

Secondly

, I believe technology and consumerism have affected many aspects of life. A salient example is that many parents assume that buying a smartphone for youngsters is a must and they have to afford it as they reach the age of going to kindergarten and school. It is concluded that the

kids

could not bring out their hidden creativity in

this

way

. On the plus side, I believe buying a smart tool is not the issue and the reasons for usage are paramount of importance. I mean,

firstly

parents can provide several educational applications that prepare

kids

for their school and so on.

secondly

, they can make a plan for using it to prevent harmful effects. In

this

way

, I guess it is a positive development.

On the other hand

, facing an electronic device for a long period has many side effects. The deleterious impacts

such

as visual disorders, depression, and being introverted are by no means negligible.

Therefore

, if it is not efficiently managed, a lot of mental and physical problems can be appreciated,

consequently

. In conclusion, nowadays the habit of using an electronic device by

kids

for long

hours

is appearing day by day;

However

, the

way

family members encounter

this

, is more important than itself.

Submitted by farzin_seyednejad on Sun Dec 17 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

In response to the task, it is essential to present a clear position throughout the response. Your essay appears to take a position but could be more explicit in the introduction and consistently maintained throughout. You've addressed the main parts of the task, though the development of ideas could be more fully articulated to showcase a deeper understanding of the topic.

coherence cohesion

Your essay establishes a logical structure and presents main ideas; however, work on linking these main ideas more coherently. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to help your essay flow more naturally. The introduction and conclusion are present, but ensure that the conclusion summarizes the main points effectively and reiterates your position clearly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

326 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part time job while you are studying. So you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter give details of your study plans Explain why you want to get a part time job
I am just writing to let you know I have enrolled myself for masters in Data Science Program at Oxford University, London. It is a 2-year course which will begin this summer. I had to enhance my skillset, so I opted for higher education. I know you are already staying in London so it would be convenient for me as well.
7
band
Governments in many countries are urgently seeking ways to reduce unemployment in rural areas. What are the most effective ways to do this? Which measure do you think would be the single most effective step that governments could take?
Around different parts of the world, governments are actively seeking solutions to address low rates of employment in far-off areas. The most suitable strategies include revolutionizing the infrastructure in these areas, and the most effective action to take would be to prioritize plans that are likely to materialize swiftly.
4
band
Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are the most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are more successful. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, people are confused about who decently predicated with predicate the most successful person, whether affluent individuals who possess a huge amount of money or humans with big contributions to society such as scientists and teachers. Obviously, in my perspective, rich human beings have the same chance to contribute to the community, whereas they are not involved directly.
6.5
band
Many people like to go on holiday abroad, while other believes it is better to visit places within their own country. Discuss both of view and give your opinion.
Although some people tend to visit another country for a holiday to experience something new, others feel that it is better to spend the holiday in local places in terms of economic reasons. Personally, I agree with the idea of going on holiday abroad.
6.5
band
Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
It is believed that governments should invest in cutting environmental pollution and housing issues in order to prevent health problems. I stay neutral about this assertion for several reasons.

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part time job while you are studying. So you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter give details of your study plans Explain why you want to get a part time job

Governments in many countries are urgently seeking ways to reduce unemployment in rural areas. What are the most effective ways to do this? Which measure do you think would be the single most effective step that governments could take?

Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are the most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are more successful. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Many people like to go on holiday abroad, while other believes it is better to visit places within their own country. Discuss both of view and give your opinion.

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree?