Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.

#children #hours #smartphones

t is a phenomenon that today’s

kids

tend to play computer games and watch animations on their electronic gadgets several

hours

a day. There are several reasons for

this

willingness and it has sets of pros and cons.

To begin

with, as the parents barely find

hours

to spend with their children, they usually buy a new smartphone for their child

instead

. With the help of the internet,

kids

can

fulfill

Change the spelling

fulfil

show examples

their loneliness and after a

while

, they become addicted to them.

Hence

, families overcome their responsibilities in

this

way

. Many studies showed that more than 50% of primary school students have at least one electronic device and spend more than 6

hours

of their time with it.

Secondly

, I believe technology and consumerism have affected many aspects of life. A salient example is that many parents assume that buying a smartphone for youngsters is a must and they have to afford it as they reach the age of going to kindergarten and school. It is concluded that the

kids

could not bring out their hidden creativity in

this

way

. On the plus side, I believe buying a smart tool is not the issue and the reasons for usage are paramount of importance. I mean,

firstly

parents can provide several educational applications that prepare

kids

for their school and so on.

secondly

, they can make a plan for using it to prevent harmful effects. In

this

way

, I guess it is a positive development.

On the other hand

, facing an electronic device for a long period has many side effects. The deleterious impacts

such

as visual disorders, depression, and being introverted are by no means negligible.

Therefore

, if it is not efficiently managed, a lot of mental and physical problems can be appreciated,

consequently

. In conclusion, nowadays the habit of using an electronic device by

kids

for long

hours

is appearing day by day;

However

, the

way

family members encounter

this

, is more important than itself.

Submitted by farzin_seyednejad on Sun Dec 17 2023

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task achievement

In response to the task, it is essential to present a clear position throughout the response. Your essay appears to take a position but could be more explicit in the introduction and consistently maintained throughout. You've addressed the main parts of the task, though the development of ideas could be more fully articulated to showcase a deeper understanding of the topic.

coherence cohesion

Your essay establishes a logical structure and presents main ideas; however, work on linking these main ideas more coherently. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to help your essay flow more naturally. The introduction and conclusion are present, but ensure that the conclusion summarizes the main points effectively and reiterates your position clearly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

326 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?

many people think that university should teach students the real knowledge that comes from practice . Do you agree or disagree

Some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress, because what matters is the quality of their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

While some think family run business is the best way to run it, others think Family run business is problematic. What is your opinion.

Many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?