IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that it is best to encourage children to have a healthy diet at school while others believe that parents should be the ones to teach children to have a healthy diet Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some individuals argue that
schools
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 should take the primary
role
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 in encouraging
children
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 to adopt a healthy
diet
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,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that
this
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 responsibility lies with
parents
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. Both perspectives have merit, and in
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views before presenting my own opinion. On one hand,
schools
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 play a crucial
role
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 in shaping
children
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's
habits
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 and behaviours. Since
children
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 spend a significant amount of time at
school
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, it is an ideal environment to instil healthy eating practices.
Schools
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 can implement structured programs,
such
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 as nutrition education in the curriculum and healthy meal plans in the cafeteria.
Moreover
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, when
children
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 see their peers eating healthily, it can create a positive influence and normalize good dietary choices.
Additionally
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, teachers and
school
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 staff can serve as
role
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 models by promoting and
practicing
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practising
show examples
 healthy eating
habits
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 themselves.
On the other hand
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, many believe that
parents
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 should bear the primary responsibility for teaching
children
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 about a healthy
diet
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. From an early age,
children
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 are influenced by what they see at home. If
parents
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 consistently provide nutritious meals and educate their
children
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 about the benefits of healthy eating,
this
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 forms a strong foundation for lifelong
habits
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.
Furthermore
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,
parents
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 control what
children
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 eat outside of
school
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 hours and during weekends, making their
role
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 indispensable. In many cultures, food is closely tied to family traditions and values, so parental involvement is key to fostering healthy attitudes toward food. In my opinion, both
schools
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 and
parents
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 share the responsibility of promoting a healthy
diet
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 among
children
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.
While
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schools
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 can provide education and a supportive environment,
parents
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 reinforce these
habits
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 at home. A collaborative approach, where
schools
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 and families work together, is the most effective way to ensure that
children
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 understand and practice healthy eating consistently. In conclusion, encouraging
children
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 to maintain a healthy
diet
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 should be a shared effort between
schools
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 and
parents
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. By combining educational initiatives at
school
Use synonyms
 with supportive practices at home, we can better equip
children
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 to make informed, healthy food choices throughout their lives.

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task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view of the topic, discussing both perspectives clearly. However, adding a few specific examples or statistics related to healthy diets could enhance your argument.
coherence and cohesion
While your structure is clear and logical, consider using more cohesive devices to link ideas between paragraphs, ensuring the flow of information is seamless. For example, using phrase connectors such as 'Additionally,' 'In contrast,' or 'Conversely' can improve transitions.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction effectively outlines both views while stating your opinion, setting a clear framework for the essay.
task achievement
You provided a thoughtful conclusion that reiterates the main points and emphasizes collaboration between schools and parents, effectively summarizing your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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