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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think secondary school students should study international news as one of their subjects, while others believe that this is a waste of valuable school time.

#people #school #students #study #news #subjects #waste #time
It is argued by some people the
news
 all around the
world
 should be a mandatory subject for students ,
whereas
 others assume that it is spending
school
 time for an unnecessary thing. I think both sides of
this
 trend are equally important in equal majors so it really depends on some factors. On the one hand, people think that adding
news
 as a subject of
school
 is relatively significant to get enough information about the
world
. At
school
, teachers can categorize the data and why it should be suited to inform students since nowadays, young may obtain different kinds of info which are not possibly appropriate to their age levels, which leads to bad deeds among teenagers.
For example
, in order to decrease the getting of false info among teenagers, in the USA teachers try to use new approaches to teach international
news
 in
this
 way, they may grasp suitable data for their ages throughout the
world
.
On the other hand
, others believe that it is not an important thing for young to pay attention.
In other words
, these humans, in order to have info about all around the
world
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have access to get data without limitless.
As a result
, youngsters can have an opportunity to take care of vital subjects
therefore
 maths, physics and language subjects will play a major role
to become
Change preposition
in becoming
show examples
 knowledgeable and
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
the financial
world
 for people around them.
For example
,
instead
 of paying attention to insignificant trends
such
 as adding the
news
 as a compulsory subject to the
school
 curriculum, they may spend carefully their valuable hours on improving existing subjects. In conclusion, there are discussed both sides of
this
 concept,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think these two views are considered equally important for youngsters
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance the logical structure, ensure there's a clear link between consecutive sentences and paragraphs. This will help to guide the reader through your argument more seamlessly.
task achievement
Consider elaborating on specific examples to provide more in-depth support for your points. This can add weight to your argument and show a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Avoid unnecessary repetition and ensure that your language is varied. This will help to maintain the reader’s interest and improve the clarity of your ideas.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument which is essential for a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which neatly frame your discussion.
task achievement
The examples provided help to illustrate your points, making your argument more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Global awareness
  • Critical thinking
  • Global citizenship
  • Cultural diversity
  • Communication skills
  • Historical context
  • World affairs
  • Academic subjects
  • Bias
  • Misinformation
  • Age-appropriate
  • Media literacy
  • Educational enrichment
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