At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

First of all, there is no doubt in my mind that
this
situation
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
teen adults have a great number of existence compared with
olders
Correct your spelling
older
' is more beneficial for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. I would like to explain why young
people
are more important with my relevant examples.
To begin
with the
devolepments
Correct your spelling
development
developments
, at the moment, the world we live
needs
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in needs
show examples
more
inovations
Correct your spelling
innovations
to look forward
which
Change preposition
to which
show examples
from my point of view, the only
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
who can do it are youngers. It is
quiet
Correct your spelling
quite
show examples
hard to change
olders'
Correct your spelling
older'
thoughts and the most important thing for
creations
Fix the agreement mistake
creation
show examples
is an
open-mind
Correct your spelling
open mind
show examples
which
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is why old
people
are not able to
make
Verb problem
do
show examples
it. In fact, they always
intent
Replace the word
intend
show examples
to move the way they know. As for body conditions,
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
show examples
have more energy to
make
Correct your spelling
take
show examples
actions
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action
show examples
. Even elders have a great brain to think really
efficient
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efficiently
show examples
,
unfortunately
Add a comma
unfortunately,
show examples
they have no power to
make
Verb problem
get
show examples
those actions done.
For instance
, my grandfather was a wise person with his brilliant ideas but he used to
has
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
no ability because of his illness.
Last
but not least, I want to mention about fertilising. Developing countries
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
more
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
people
and as you know
olders
Correct your spelling
older
holders
are not able to
reproduction
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reproduce
show examples
, they certainly need
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
show examples
for it. More number of
people
means more occupation power and more power means more money for
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
. All in
all
Add a comma
all,
show examples
it seems to me that if we calculate all
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
and cons, I am inclined to believe
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
of young
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
' are
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweighed
outweigh
than disadvantages.
Submitted by fatmanurdonertas on

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Introduction/Conclusion
When constructing your essay, ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance on it. A thesis statement or a roadmap of your upcoming points would strengthen it. Ensure also to write a conclusion that succinctly summarizes your points and restates your position.
Logical Structure
Organize your ideas into distinct paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the topic. Use clear topic sentences and make sure the following sentences support the main idea of each paragraph. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs improve readability and demonstrate how your ideas are connected.
Supporting Main Points
Ensure that you expand and support your points with clear, relevant examples and explanations, which strengthen your arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Task Response
Strive to fully address all parts of the task, ensuring that your response is directly relevant to the question asked. Include a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages if required by the prompt, and make it clear how you are addressing each one.
Idea Development
Focusing on idea development and clarity over complex vocabulary can help communicate your thoughts more comprehensively. If you opt to use advanced vocabulary, be certain it is in the correct context and used accurately.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
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