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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Investment in local amenities such as leisure centres is the best way for the government to foster a good community spirit. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#investment #amenities #leisure #centres #government #community #spirit
Government and local councils, nowadays,
have
Verb problem
pay
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 more attention
on
Change preposition
to
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 the community spirit. They spend their budget to offer great local facilities which encourage
people
 to be more productive and have more interactions among their community. I completely agree that it will
give
Verb problem
have
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 some positive impacts. Recently, sports events have become a positive trend throughout the country.
People
 join those events
such
 as running, triathlon, and badminton, to measure their level of fitness and gain a better quality of life. Employees, specifically, go to the gym or go jogging together on their days off to keep their health. It
also
 has
Correct article usage
the purposes
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purposes
Fix the agreement mistake
purpose
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to get
Change preposition
of getting
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life work
Correct your spelling
a work-life
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 balance.
Furthermore
,
government
Add an article
the government
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 can facilitate them by providing free sports facilities or events
such
 as
marathon
Fix the agreement mistake
marathons
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 in their areas. Leading
people
 to do sports together in an event will be a good way to foster
community’s
Correct article usage
the community’s
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 spirit.
Next,
the number of citizens who have
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
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 in art, culture, and music
have
Change the verb form
has
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 significantly increased in recent decades. Youngsters have a tendency to become an artist or musician
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 so that they sometimes have a side job as a street musician or get an internship in museums to learn about arts. Government and local councils can take a role as a facilitator. They can build several learning centres which focus on art and culture, and they
also
 can make some entertainment competitions to give opportunities
for
Change preposition
to
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 talented generations. These will encourage young
people
 to reach their dreams and support each other.
To conclude
, I strongly agree that the investment
on
Change preposition
in
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 local amenities specifically leisure centres will be a great way to get
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 spirit of community.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clear and reflect a direct response to the task prompt. They should encapsulate your standpoint succinctly.
task achievement
Expand on the given examples by providing more detailed evidence and explanation to better support the main points and to satisfy the task requirements fully.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs effectively, ensuring smooth transitions and logical progression throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Develop a clearer structure within paragraphs, starting with a topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence when necessary.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a balance of ideas in the essay, so that each point is explored to the same depth; avoid unequal treatment of your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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