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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some cultures, children are often toldthat they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of given children this message?

#cultures #children #toldthat #message
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Parents in all worlds wish good things and high
opportunity
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opportunities
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 to their offspring and try to explain that the value
could
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can
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 be reached only by being persistent. On the one hand,
this
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 can empower
the
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apply
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young
kid
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kids
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,
however
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, it can bring up some mental health problems, which can be carried
to
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into
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 their adult lives. People
said
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say
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the
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that
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 younger individuals should study or work hard in order to be successful. There is no doubt that it is true. Typically, people who improve themself every day, get what they want. To give a good example, my sister had a math exam in a few weeks, but she didn’t believe in herself. I helped her with her problem and
as a
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consequence
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consequence,
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 she passed her exam with outstanding grades.
On the other hand
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, many youngsters could face difficulty
on
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with
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 a boring subject under parents’ pressure. Often parents would like their children to realize their own dreams from their childhood.
For instance
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, my friend’s dream was to be an athlete but his family tried to improve his mathematics knowledge against his choice.
Subsequently
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, my friend suffered because he was obligated to be excellent in an unpleasant subject and did not have the time to practice sports.
Moreover
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, excessive parental pressure on youngsters can have harmful effects on their mental well-being leading to issues
such
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 as insomnia, psychological issues and even thoughts of self-destruction when they fail to meet the high expectations set for them. In conclusion, encouraging youngsters to put in a lot of effort can have both
favorable
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favourable
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 and
unfavorable
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unfavourable
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 effects. On the plus side, it can promote a positive outlook and a sense of purpose.
However
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, it could
also
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 lead to unreasonable expectations and impacts on mental health.
Therefore
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, it is crucial to maintain a balance between motivation and well-being
while
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 assisting children in reaching their goals.
Submitted by pnasywasina on

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task achievement
While the essay presents the advantages and disadvantages of telling children that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough, improve by further expanding on these points with a more balanced discussion and deeper analysis.
coherence cohesion
For a stronger essay, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, and the points made are explicitly connected back to the main question. Use cohesive devices effectively to guide the reader through your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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