IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people say that globalisation and the growing number of multinational companies have a negative effect on the environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #globalisation #companies #effect #environment
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Most of the world's population is opposed to
globalization
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 and environmental pollution by multinational
companies
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.Some
people
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 do not agree and do not pay attention to the environment.
According to
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people
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's opinions, the harmful aspects of environmental pollution are the occurrence of many diseases and the disappearance of animal life. As for the pollution of the environment by various transnational
companies
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, some of these
companies
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 are discharging their effluents and toxic liquids into various
water
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 bodies, rivers and lakes.Residents of cities and villages who use
this
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water
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 can get many diseases and viruses.
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Also
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Also,
show examples
such
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 diseases can lead to death.
According to
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people
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's opinions, rural and urban residents are sick
due to
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 these reasons. Another harmful aspect of
globalization
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 and multinational
companies
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 is the drastic impact on
animals
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.The noise, hot gases and various waste
animals
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 in front of the
companies
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 make it very difficult to live.
That is
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 why different safe sanctuaries for
animals
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 have been built in different countries.The animal world in
water
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 is more damaged than on land.Because most of the
people
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 throw their used paper towels into the
water
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.They do not know that fish, dolphins and similar aquatic
animals
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 can injure these ducks.In general, most
people
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 do not pay attention to
animals
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. As for the general opinion of
people
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,
people
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 say that
globalization
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 and multinational
companies
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 are bad for the whole earth.Because these
companies
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 and they themselves are suffering from
globalization
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.
Submitted by akbarturdiyev06 on

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Introduction & Conclusion
The essay lacks a clear introductory paragraph and a conclusion, which is crucial for the reader to understand the structure and the stance of the writer. It is recommended to start with an introduction that paraphrases the question and outlines the main points that will be discussed. A conclusion should then be provided that summarizes the arguments and clearly states the writer's position.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay requires a more logical structure with well-developed paragraphs. Each paragraph should contain one clear main idea supported by relevant examples or explanations. Transitional words or phrases should be used to help the flow of ideas and signal the relationship between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
The response should fully answer all parts of the question to achieve a higher band score for task achievement. Clearer and more comprehensive ideas should be presented, with specific examples that are directly related to the topic to support the writer's argument. Providing a balanced view or contrasting opinions with clear explanations could also strengthen the task response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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