The growing numbers of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, it is true that the overweight problem has been a main issue in the health field. A number of people suppose that the
curriculum needs to emphasize more on physical education learning. I completely agree with the view physical education is one of the solutions to lessen the number of overweight people.
To begin
spend a lot of time in the
In other words
, most of their activities are done in
, especially since the development of gadgets nowadays, children no longer exercise in their leisure time.
For example
, some
aren't exercising except when it is the
's physical teaching lesson.
means that the
needs to put more attention on physical activities because the active physical condition assists in achieving an active lifestyle as well.
, by doing physical lessons in
, teachers are able to supervise the learners so that their lifestyle is likely to be managed. Second of all, exercising in
means the pupils are having a collective activity with their friends.
For instance
are most likely to do something when they see their friends are doing something similar. Exercising together has an input on the exchange of emotional support between the
. That can help to boost the motivation of the
to work on physical movement and improve their athleticism. More of that, it is very recommended for the academy to provide the
' competitiveness through
Change the noun form
show examples
for example
. With a sense of competition, pupils might have a stronger motive to enhance fitness. In conclusion, physical learning lessons in
have the ability to reduce overweight problems.
, the effectiveness depends on the system that the institution makes. I strongly believe that
exercise has a great influence on overweight problems.
Submitted by iamthenextawardee on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and the writer's opinion. In the main body, develop your points with clear supporting examples. Avoid repeating the same ideas, and make sure each paragraph has a clear central topic. To improve coherence, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
While you have presented a clear opinion which is relevant to the prompt, ensure all parts of the task are addressed. Expand on your ideas with detailed examples, and where possible, use data or research to back up your points. It is important that every paragraph directly contributes to the response to the question, rather than simply stating related ideas.
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