At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is argued that the percentage of young adults in

this

Linking Words

modern era outnumbers the senior citizens. I firmly believe that

this

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condition has some positive benefits compared to its drawbacks since Generation Z has a creative mindset, is energetic, and is really passionate about technology.

To begin

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with,

people

Use synonyms

in the age bracket of 15-26 years old are considered as generation Z which has some identical characteristics. Their ability to package something using their high creativity is quite shocking.

For example

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, they can create more videos on a social media platform

such

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as “TikTok”, which is currently happening and being used by

people

Use synonyms

all around the world. They manage to make their videos go viral by incorporating trends

such

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as dance moves released by K-pop idols.

As a result

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, after their videos went viral, their followers

gaining

Wrong verb form

gained

show examples

, until some

people

Use synonyms

or even companies approached them to cooperate a promote the product through their social media.

Thus

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, it proves that young adults can adjust themselves using cutting-edge technologies

as well as

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they can earn money through them.

However

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, elderly

people

Use synonyms

assert that Gen Z

are

Change the verb form

show examples

unstable when it comes to the state of their mind. They tend to have some bad habits that might affect their performance in the workplace.

For example

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, they have a tendency to work based on their mood. Sometimes they are energetic and on other

occasionsthey

Correct your spelling

occasions they

can change themselves to be an active person in a short period of time.

As a result

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, companies are really struggling to hire them or not.

To sum up

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, I believe that despite their disadvantages, young adults can be reliable partners whether in workplaces or businesses since they possess several unique characteristics that older

people

Use synonyms

do not have,

such

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as creativity and adaptability to state-of-the-art technology.

ru.kabiru.biruMon Dec 18 2023

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task achievement

Introduction: Provide a more direct response to the question posed. It's advised to explicitly state if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages in your intro for a clearer argument.

task achievement

Body paragraphs: Develop your ideas more thoroughly. Though you've provided examples, deeper analysis and linking back to how these examples support your overall argument would strengthen your essay.

task achievement

Conclusion: Ensure your conclusion summarizes your main points and restates your position on the overall question clearly and concisely. Add a conclusive statement that echoes your introduction for a more rounded argument.

coherence cohesion

Organization: Improve the logical flow by using more cohesive devices (such as moreover, nevertheless, thus) between sentences and paragraphs. This will guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.

coherence cohesion

Support for main points: Each main idea should be supported with more detailed examples or explanations. This includes more in-depth analysis of how specific characteristics of young adults (e.g., creativity, passion for technology) relate to the advantages you propose.

9
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

296 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

demographic
workforce
productivity
innovation
skilled labor
social development
technology
dividend
competition
resources
social welfare
unrest
instability
healthcare
elderly care

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Some people think that big companies should provide sports and social facilities for the local community. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowdays, many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep?

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays a growing number of people with health problems trying alternative medicine and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctors. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?