Modern professional women confront a difficulty that men don’t generally face: the struggle to balance the pressures of work and home. In your opinion, how can this difficulty best be solved? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own knowledges and experiences.
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Women
's work
is given a huge press. Nowadays, unlike past centuries, women
have equal rights just like men. They can work
outdoors and have a high social position just like men. Considering all of these achievements, there is also
a huge problem: balancing the pressure of work
and home. Many people strive to find an answer to this
question, but it seems confusing.
Initially
, we should not discriminate between two genders. A happy family is a compound of two essential elements: wife and husband. According to
common beliefs, men are working hard due to
their families. They are industrious, creative creatures who have utter power in their houses. On the flip side, females are fragile individuals who have to work
all the time at home and if they endeavor to have an occupation outdoors, it would be for their hobbies. As long as we observe females via this
perspective, we should not try to find a solution to tackle this
misunderstanding. The right approach in this
case is public awareness about two genders to prevent other misconceptions.
In addition
to public awareness, the government should aid women
in handling their difficulties. It is an irrefutable fact that when we encounter a girl in any situation, we assume she is a poor, pathetic person who does not have any real position in our community because she has to bear responsibilities at work
and home all by herself. One of the most difficult situations for every woman is pregnancy. A pregnant girl has to shoulder a huge burden in her life, and just imagine no one- even the government- does not support her. I strongly believe that the governments should focus more on parental leave due to
strengthen families. Helping girls in disparate positions is not only helpful for our society, but also
will be an investment for upcoming generations.
Overall
, taking all these instances into consideration, having women
's backs through public awareness and via the government's ruling could be intensively beneficial and advantageous for our nation's future.Submitted by tg.persian on
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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is noticeably unclear and your paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and complexity in structure. It is important to structure your essay with clear and distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences with examples or data, and finally, a concluding sentence that wraps up the main point of the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
You have made an attempt to introduce and conclude the essay, but the introduction does not clearly set out the thesis or overview of the response, and the conclusion does not sufficiently summarize the key points or restate your position in a clear manner. In your introduction, clearly state your thesis and outline the structure of your essay. The conclusion should restate your thesis and summarise the main points made in your essay, reassuring readers of the strength of your argument.
task achievement
Your essay provides some relevant ideas connected to the topic, but they are not always clearly expressed or fully developed. It is vital to create coherent and comprehensive paragraphs where each main point is not just stated, but also explained and supported by specific, relevant examples or arguments. Focus on elaborating each point thoroughly before moving on to the next.
task achievement
The response shows some relevance to the prompt but lacks specificity in examples and often resorts to generalizations and repeated ideas. It's important that the examples are not only relevant but they are also specific and drawn from real situations, statistics, studies, or personal experiences that directly support your argument or point of view. This specificity adds authenticity to your essay and strengthens your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example