Modern professional women confront a difficulty that men don’t generally face: the struggle to balance the pressures of work and home. In your opinion, how can this difficulty best be solved? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own knowledges and experiences.

Women

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work

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is given a huge press. Nowadays, unlike past centuries,

women

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have equal rights just like men. They can

work

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outdoors and have a high social position just like men. Considering all of these achievements, there is

also

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a huge problem: balancing the pressure of

work

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and home. Many people strive to find an answer to

this

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question, but it seems confusing.

Initially

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, we should not discriminate between two genders. A happy family is a compound of two essential elements: wife and husband.

According to

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common beliefs, men are working hard

due to

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their families. They are industrious, creative creatures who have utter power in their houses. On the flip side, females are fragile individuals who have to

work

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all the time at home and if they endeavor to have an occupation outdoors, it would be for their hobbies. As long as we observe females via

this

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perspective, we should not try to find a solution to tackle

this

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misunderstanding. The right approach in

this

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case is public awareness about two genders to prevent other misconceptions.

In addition

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to public awareness, the government should aid

women

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in handling their difficulties. It is an irrefutable fact that when we encounter a girl in any situation, we assume she is a poor, pathetic person who does not have any real position in our community because she has to bear responsibilities at

work

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and home all by herself. One of the most difficult situations for every woman is pregnancy. A pregnant girl has to shoulder a huge burden in her life, and just imagine no one- even the government- does not support her. I strongly believe that the governments should focus more on parental leave

due to

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strengthen families. Helping girls in disparate positions is not only helpful for our society, but

also

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will be an investment for upcoming generations.

Overall

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, taking all these instances into consideration, having

women

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's backs through public awareness and via the government's ruling could be intensively beneficial and advantageous for our nation's future.

tg.persianMon Dec 18 2023

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coherence cohesion

The logical structure of your essay is noticeably unclear and your paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and complexity in structure. It is important to structure your essay with clear and distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences with examples or data, and finally, a concluding sentence that wraps up the main point of the paragraph.

coherence cohesion

You have made an attempt to introduce and conclude the essay, but the introduction does not clearly set out the thesis or overview of the response, and the conclusion does not sufficiently summarize the key points or restate your position in a clear manner. In your introduction, clearly state your thesis and outline the structure of your essay. The conclusion should restate your thesis and summarise the main points made in your essay, reassuring readers of the strength of your argument.

task achievement

Your essay provides some relevant ideas connected to the topic, but they are not always clearly expressed or fully developed. It is vital to create coherent and comprehensive paragraphs where each main point is not just stated, but also explained and supported by specific, relevant examples or arguments. Focus on elaborating each point thoroughly before moving on to the next.

task achievement

The response shows some relevance to the prompt but lacks specificity in examples and often resorts to generalizations and repeated ideas. It's important that the examples are not only relevant but they are also specific and drawn from real situations, statistics, studies, or personal experiences that directly support your argument or point of view. This specificity adds authenticity to your essay and strengthens your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

336 words

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Modern professional women confront a difficulty that men don’t generally face: the struggle to balance the pressures of work and home. In your opinion, how can this difficulty best be solved? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own knowledges and experiences.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

There have been major advances in technology over recent decades and this have led to significant improvements in peoples live. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In many countires women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and, therefore, do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. Do you agree or disagree?