IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Is mental strength important for success in sports or is it more important to have strong and fit people in sports? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Sports
Use synonyms
 are
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 vital aspect of
people
Use synonyms
's lives. Some claim that mental
strength
Use synonyms
 is
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 utmost
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
 for
accomplishmennts
Correct your spelling
accomplishments
accomplishment
 in
games
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others say that it is
imprtant
Correct your spelling
important
 to the
sports
Use synonyms
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 should be fit and strong.
This
Linking Words
 essay
dicusses
Correct your spelling
discusses
bothview
Correct your spelling
both view
 points and I
strognly
Correct your spelling
strongly
 agree with the latter opinion for the following reasons. On the one hand,
sportsmen
Use synonyms
 should be physically fit and strong because
sports
Use synonyms
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
this
Linking Words
 kind of physical requirements.
Sport
Change the noun form
Sports
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 persons have to do some exercise in
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
as well as
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 they should maintain a proper diet to maintain their body without being fat.
For example
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, the famous Indian cricketer Mr Virat Kohli
does exercise
Wrong verb form
exercises
show examples
 more than 6 hours in
everday
Correct your spelling
day
 because he wants to fit by bowling and
bating
Correct your spelling
batting
show examples
 in his
sports
Use synonyms
.
In addition
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,
this
Linking Words
 kind of fitness brings more
stamina
Use synonyms
 and energy
while
Linking Words
 playing any
games
Use synonyms
 and it
must
Correct your spelling
just
show examples
needed
Change the verb form
be needed
need
show examples
 to win the
competitations
Correct your spelling
competition
competitions
.
Therefore
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,
Sports
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 should be fit and strong in
sports
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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,
sportsmen
Use synonyms
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 more mental
strength
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 to
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
 in
games
Use synonyms
 because mental calmness
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 more attention towards
game
Add an article
the game
show examples
,
as a result
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,
sportsmen
Use synonyms
 might
be won
Wrong verb form
win
show examples
 the matches easily.
Moreover
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, some
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
games
Use synonyms
 need mental
strength
Use synonyms
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 physical fitness
such
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 as chess and indoor
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
.
For instance
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, a famous Indian chess king Mr Vishwanath Anandh does not look
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fit,
in contrast
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, he has more mental
stamina
Use synonyms
 and
strength
Use synonyms
 to
won
Wrong verb form
win
show examples
 thousands of matches not only
Change preposition
in localas
show examples
localas
Correct your spelling
local
 but
also
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 the international tournaments.
Hence
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, it proven
sports
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 need more mental
stamina
Use synonyms
 to
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
 in
games
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
sports
Use synonyms
 are
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 inevitable part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's lives. Despite it requires more mental
strenght
Correct your spelling
strength
 to achieve in
sports
Use synonyms
,
sportsmen
Use synonyms
 should be fit and strong by maintaining a proper diet and doing exercise.
However
Linking Words
, I think
sports
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 should maintain their body with fit and strong in order to they can have more
stamina
Use synonyms
 and energy to compete with
other opponent
Change the wording
another opponent
other opponents
show examples
 in
sports
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the essay structure. The current introduction needs to better set up the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical flow and connection between ideas by using a wider range of cohesive devices and transitional phrases.
coherence cohesion
Present main ideas more clearly and develop them more fully with supporting details. Use more varied and complex structures to articulate these points.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task by discussing both views and providing a clear personal opinion throughout the essay. The response must be balanced and fully explore both perspectives.
task achievement
Express ideas more comprehensively by explaining and expanding on them with more precise information and elaboration. Avoid generalizations.
task achievement
Include more relevant examples to support the claims you make. These examples should be specific and clearly linked to the main ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • mental strength
  • resilience
  • psychological resilience
  • burnout
  • physical fitness
  • physical abilities
  • mental toughness
  • stamina
  • agility
  • coordination
  • performance
  • pressure
  • competition
  • long-term goals
  • consistency
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