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Band 4.5

Is mental strength important for success in sports or is it more important to have strong and fit people in sports? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#strength #success #sports #people
Sports
 are
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 vital aspect of
people
's lives. Some claim that mental
strength
 is
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 utmost
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
 for
accomplishmennts
Correct your spelling
accomplishments
accomplishment
 in
games
while
 others say that it is
imprtant
Correct your spelling
important
 to the
sports
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 should be fit and strong.
This
 essay
dicusses
Correct your spelling
discusses
bothview
Correct your spelling
both view
 points and I
strognly
Correct your spelling
strongly
 agree with the latter opinion for the following reasons. On the one hand,
sportsmen
 should be physically fit and strong because
sports
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
this
 kind of physical requirements.
Sport
Change the noun form
Sports
show examples
 persons have to do some exercise in
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
as well as
 they should maintain a proper diet to maintain their body without being fat.
For example
, the famous Indian cricketer Mr Virat Kohli
does exercise
Wrong verb form
exercises
show examples
 more than 6 hours in
everday
Correct your spelling
day
 because he wants to fit by bowling and
bating
Correct your spelling
batting
show examples
 in his
sports
.
In addition
,
this
 kind of fitness brings more
stamina
 and energy
while
 playing any
games
 and it
must
Correct your spelling
just
show examples
needed
Change the verb form
be needed
need
show examples
 to win the
competitations
Correct your spelling
competition
competitions
.
Therefore
,
Sports
people
 should be fit and strong in
sports
.
On the other hand
,
sportsmen
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 more mental
strength
 to
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
 in
games
 because mental calmness
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 more attention towards
game
Add an article
the game
show examples
,
as a result
,
sportsmen
 might
be won
Wrong verb form
win
show examples
 the matches easily.
Moreover
, some
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
games
 need mental
strength
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 physical fitness
such
 as chess and indoor
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
.
For instance
, a famous Indian chess king Mr Vishwanath Anandh does not look
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fit,
in contrast
, he has more mental
stamina
 and
strength
 to
won
Wrong verb form
win
show examples
 thousands of matches not only
Change preposition
in localas
show examples
localas
Correct your spelling
local
 but
also
 the international tournaments.
Hence
, it proven
sports
people
 need more mental
stamina
 to
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
 in
games
.
To conclude
,
sports
 are
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 inevitable part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
people
's lives. Despite it requires more mental
strenght
Correct your spelling
strength
 to achieve in
sports
,
sportsmen
 should be fit and strong by maintaining a proper diet and doing exercise.
However
, I think
sports
people
 should maintain their body with fit and strong in order to they can have more
stamina
 and energy to compete with
other opponent
Change the wording
another opponent
other opponents
show examples
 in
sports
.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the essay structure. The current introduction needs to better set up the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical flow and connection between ideas by using a wider range of cohesive devices and transitional phrases.
coherence cohesion
Present main ideas more clearly and develop them more fully with supporting details. Use more varied and complex structures to articulate these points.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task by discussing both views and providing a clear personal opinion throughout the essay. The response must be balanced and fully explore both perspectives.
task achievement
Express ideas more comprehensively by explaining and expanding on them with more precise information and elaboration. Avoid generalizations.
task achievement
Include more relevant examples to support the claims you make. These examples should be specific and clearly linked to the main ideas.

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