In many countries, paying for thing mobile phone apps is becoming increasingly common. does this development have advantages or more disadvantages?
There is no denying the fact that payment will be a beneficial method
as
nowadays. Whilst it is a commonly held belief that it makes the process of buying Change preposition
apply
is
easier and Unnecessary verb
apply
flexible
, there is an argument that buying by mobile sometimes has risk. Correct quantifier usage
more flexible
This
essay will analyse this
topic from both points of view and express my opinion.
To begin
with, the world is running for development and change
faster some countries prefer Change the verb form
changes
this
method because have security
system. In Add an article
a security
the
other words, Correct article usage
apply
while
we go to get anything we want we have suitable
choice. Add an article
a suitable
Moreover
, we feel free, and this
process is simple and flexible to hold cards our
use the phone. Correct your spelling
or
For example
, some places of shopping help the customer to get their goods and buy by self-
serving Correct your spelling
self
this
is fabulous
step for both.
Add an article
a fabulous
the fabulous
On the other hand
, more disadvantages as like
phishing electronic we faced these issues and are not only but Change preposition
apply
also
cybercrimes, these groups attack all money systems. It is also
possible to say that the government fight these militants and enhance
the security system’s bank to improve the income. Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
In addition
, while
people use the
payment by cell phone and protect their passwords and privet information nobody can hurt them. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, some companies deal with advanced programmes
to grow their work Replace the word
programs
also
establish cyber Correct word choice
and also
process
we note Fix the agreement mistake
processes
this
has a
great growth and has Correct article usage
apply
a
high safety.
In conclusion, there are no easy answers to Remove the article
apply
this
question. On balance, however
, I tend to believe that paying by cell phone is adapt
Replace the word
adaptable
with
the advanced and Change preposition
to
development
world as these days it is increasing the growth for countries and civilians.Replace the word
developed
Submitted by M on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay does not consistently follow a clear, logical structure. Consider organizing your paragraphs in a way that each one presents a distinct point and links clearly to the question. Use transitional phrases to guide your reader from one idea to the next.
Coherence and Cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present, they lack a clear thesis statement and summarizing conclusion respectively. Make sure to explicitly state your main argument in the introduction and recap your points in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've provided some support for your main points but the supporting sentences are not always well-developed or clear. Aim to include specific, relevant examples and explanation that directly strengthen your argument for each main point.
Task Achievement
Your response addresses the task, but not all parts of the task are fully covered. Make sure you clearly discuss both the advantages and disadvantages in a balanced manner and provide a definitive opinion, as the question requests.
Task Achievement
The ideas presented are somewhat clear, but there is room for greater detail and clarity. Focus on expanding and explaining your ideas fully to ensure comprehension of your argument.
Task Achievement
Specific examples are scant and lack detail. Aim to include relevant, specific examples to bolster your arguments and illustrate your points more convincingly.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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