In many countries, paying for thing mobile phone apps is becoming increasingly common. does this development have advantages or more disadvantages?

#countries #phone #apps #development

There is no denying the fact that payment will be a beneficial method

Change preposition

apply

show examples

nowadays. Whilst it is a commonly held belief that it makes the process of buying

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

easier and

flexible

Correct quantifier usage

more flexible

show examples

, there is an argument that buying by mobile sometimes has risk.

This

essay will analyse

this

topic from both points of view and express my opinion.

To begin

with, the world is running for development and

change

Change the verb form

changes

show examples

faster some countries prefer

this

method because have

security

Add an article

a security

show examples

system. In

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

other words,

while

we go to get anything we want we have

suitable

Add an article

a suitable

show examples

choice.

Moreover

, we feel free, and

this

process is simple and flexible to hold cards

our

Correct your spelling

show examples

use the phone.

For example

, some places of shopping help the customer to get their goods and buy by

self-

Correct your spelling

self

show examples

serving

this

fabulous

Add an article

a fabulous

the fabulous

show examples

step for both.

On the other hand

, more disadvantages as

Change preposition

apply

show examples

phishing electronic we faced these issues and are not only but

also

cybercrimes, these groups attack all money systems. It is

also

possible to say that the government fight these militants and

enhance

Correct subject-verb agreement

enhances

show examples

the security system’s bank to improve the income.

In addition

while

people use

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

payment by cell phone and protect their passwords and privet information nobody can hurt them.

For instance

, some companies deal with advanced

programmes

Replace the word

programs

show examples

to grow their work

also

Correct word choice

and also

show examples

establish cyber

process

Fix the agreement mistake

processes

show examples

we note

this

has

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

great growth and has

Remove the article

apply

show examples

high safety. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to

this

question. On balance,

however

, I tend to believe that paying by cell phone is

adapt

Replace the word

adaptable

show examples

with

Change preposition

show examples

the advanced and

development

Replace the word

developed

show examples

world as these days it is increasing the growth for countries and civilians.

Submitted by M on Tue Dec 19 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay does not consistently follow a clear, logical structure. Consider organizing your paragraphs in a way that each one presents a distinct point and links clearly to the question. Use transitional phrases to guide your reader from one idea to the next.

Coherence and Cohesion

While an introduction and conclusion are present, they lack a clear thesis statement and summarizing conclusion respectively. Make sure to explicitly state your main argument in the introduction and recap your points in the conclusion.

Coherence and Cohesion

You've provided some support for your main points but the supporting sentences are not always well-developed or clear. Aim to include specific, relevant examples and explanation that directly strengthen your argument for each main point.

Task Achievement

Your response addresses the task, but not all parts of the task are fully covered. Make sure you clearly discuss both the advantages and disadvantages in a balanced manner and provide a definitive opinion, as the question requests.

Task Achievement

The ideas presented are somewhat clear, but there is room for greater detail and clarity. Focus on expanding and explaining your ideas fully to ensure comprehension of your argument.

Task Achievement

Specific examples are scant and lack detail. Aim to include relevant, specific examples to bolster your arguments and illustrate your points more convincingly.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

278 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Many employees may work at home with the modern technology. Some people claim that it can benefit only the workers, not the employers. Do you agree or disagree?
Due to state-of-the-art technologies, remote jobs have become prevalent in recent times. Some may argue this offers many advantages just to clerks rather than employers. I strongly disagree with the statement, and in my opinion, that method is beneficial for both sides.
7.5
band
It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
It is essential to take risks for people in their personal and professional lives. Although it has significant advantages, I think that it has its drawbacks too. This essay will discuss both sides.
6.5
band
Chevening is looking for individuals with strong professional relationship-building skills, who will engage with the Chevening Community and influence and lead others in their chosen profession. Please explain how you build and maintain relationships in a professional capacity, using clear examples of how you currently do this, and outline how you hope to use these skills in the future. (500)
I would say a differentiating factor that sets me apart is my proven ability to actively seek, build, and maintain strong professional relationships within not only my local community, but with others across the world. Korea is highly homogenous where over 97% of the population is ethnically Korean. Realizing this, I actively pursued opportunities to enhance my exposure to multicultural environments. I applied for the Global Teacher’s University (GTU) program at my university and was selected as a successful candidate several times. When I was a sophomore, I was selected as a trainee for the University of Hawaii at Manoa. It was here where I began to network with others from different countries. I showed that I could offer value and a fresh perspective. However, more importantly, I showed that I truly cared and can connect on a deeper level. In my view, having compassion, empathy, and making a true effort to understand people’s perspectives and goals is critical to strong profession...
5.5
band
Some people think that children should be raised by all the family members (e.g. Uncle, aunt and grandparents) rather than only parents. Give your opinion.
From the begining of human existence family always was the centre of gathering during different times of the year. Considering nowadays life, fewer people tend to have children, and if there is a child they will probably be raised by their grandparents due to several factors which we will discuss in the following paragraghs.
6
band
In many countries, children are engaged paid in some kind of paid work. some people regard this as completely wrong. while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. discuss both these views and give your opinion.
It is an irrefutable fact that, in this modernized era, numerous children are doing paid work in different fields including restaurants, cafes or more. However, some masses consider that it is a completely wrong trend for the development of the children while others are saying it is a huge benefit to the youngsters. I staunchly believe that paid work is harmful for the upcoming growth of children.

In many countries, paying for thing mobile phone apps is becoming increasingly common. does this development have advantages or more disadvantages?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Many employees may work at home with the modern technology. Some people claim that it can benefit only the workers, not the employers. Do you agree or disagree?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that children should be raised by all the family members (e.g. Uncle, aunt and grandparents) rather than only parents. Give your opinion.

In many countries, children are engaged paid in some kind of paid work. some people regard this as completely wrong. while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. discuss both these views and give your opinion.