People should plan for their retirement by saving money. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #plan #retirement #money

It is an argument that saving

money

is necessary before

people

are retired.

while

other

Fix the agreement mistake

others

show examples

think that saving

money

should not be planned.

People

should save

money

before they retire because it helps them feel more secure, and comfortable with their

lives

, and spend more time and

money

on their hobbies. First of all, if

people

plan to save

money

for their retirement, they will feel more security for the rest of their

lives

For example

, because of having

money

, the retiree can handle their health problems that may come unexpectedly.

Furthermore

, planning to save

money

helps

people

feel more comfortable with their life after retirement.

The retirees

Correct article usage

Retirees

show examples

do not need to worry about financial

burden

Fix the agreement mistake

burdens

show examples

when they can not work because they have a settlement fund for their

lives

Secondly

, when saving

money

people

can spend

money

on their favourite things.

For instance

, many

people

want to travel around the world when they are retired. If they have a lot of saving

money

, they can travel, and do anything they want.

Moreover

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

retirees will have chances to do things which they can not do when they are working. With a settled fund of saving

money

people

can enjoy their

lives

completely before they say goodbye to all the

people

around them. The retiree can read all the books they want, and watch all the films which they have no chance to watch when they are at work. In conclusion, saving

money

brings many advantages for the retirees. It helps them feel comfortable with their

lives

, spend more time and

money

on their hobbies, and feel more secure. Saving is one of the best ways to enjoy the rest of their life completely.

Submitted by hana44happy on Mon Apr 22 2024

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Introduction & Conclusion

Create a more nuanced introduction that clearly presents your argument and previews the main points to be discussed.

Language & Style

Consider adding more varied and complex sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement.

Coherence & Cohesion

Use linking words and phrases more effectively to ensure smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs.

Task Response

Your essay provides a focused argument that is relevant to the prompt, demonstrating a good understanding of the task.

Arguments & Examples

You consistently support your main points with examples and explanations, which strengthens your argument.

Conclusion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points and restates your viewpoint, reinforcing the message.

Your opinion

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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

284 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial security
peace of mind
comfortable living standard
compound interest
unexpected expenses
financial stress
well-funded retirement
government pensions
retirement benefits
cost of living
economic uncertainties
financial discipline

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People should plan for their retirement by saving money. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Your opinion

some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In an era of globalization, some people think that studying abroad is the best way to attain a well-paid job while others believe other options are better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.