IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People should plan for their retirement by saving money. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is an argument that saving
money
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 is necessary before
people
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 are retired.
while
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 think that saving
money
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 should not be planned.
People
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 should save
money
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 before they retire because it helps them feel more secure, and comfortable with their
lives
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, and spend more time and
money
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 on their hobbies. First of all, if
people
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 plan to save
money
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 for their retirement, they will feel more security for the rest of their
lives
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.
For example
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, because of having
money
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, the retiree can handle their health problems that may come unexpectedly.
Furthermore
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, planning to save
money
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 helps
people
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 feel more comfortable with their life after retirement.
The retirees
Correct article usage
Retirees
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 do not need to worry about financial
burden
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burdens
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 when they can not work because they have a settlement fund for their
lives
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.
Secondly
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, when saving
money
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,
people
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 can spend
money
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 on their favourite things.
For instance
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, many
people
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 want to travel around the world when they are retired. If they have a lot of saving
money
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, they can travel, and do anything they want.
Moreover
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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retirees will have chances to do things which they can not do when they are working. With a settled fund of saving
money
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,
people
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 can enjoy their
lives
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 completely before they say goodbye to all the
people
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 around them. The retiree can read all the books they want, and watch all the films which they have no chance to watch when they are at work. In conclusion, saving
money
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 brings many advantages for the retirees. It helps them feel comfortable with their
lives
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, spend more time and
money
Use synonyms
 on their hobbies, and feel more secure. Saving is one of the best ways to enjoy the rest of their life completely.

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Introduction & Conclusion
Create a more nuanced introduction that clearly presents your argument and previews the main points to be discussed.
Language & Style
Consider adding more varied and complex sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to ensure smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
Task Response
Your essay provides a focused argument that is relevant to the prompt, demonstrating a good understanding of the task.
Arguments & Examples
You consistently support your main points with examples and explanations, which strengthens your argument.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points and restates your viewpoint, reinforcing the message.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • peace of mind
  • comfortable living standard
  • compound interest
  • unexpected expenses
  • financial stress
  • well-funded retirement
  • government pensions
  • retirement benefits
  • cost of living
  • economic uncertainties
  • financial discipline
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