IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, families are not as close as they used to be. What do you think are the causes for this. What can be done to make families closer.

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Some people think
families
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 are more precious things that an individual can rely on.
However
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, in modern days, the family has grown apart and people are not as close to their family members as they used to be. In
this
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 essay, we are going to discuss the possible reasons and solutions for
this
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 issue. The main problem which leads to
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
show examples
 of family ties is the lack of
opportunities
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 in urban
areas
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. Nowadays, in search of better pay and improved
quality
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 of life, youngsters are immigrating to another part of the world which results in separation from their
families
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. Another reason would be the unavailability of
time
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.
Due to
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 their busy schedule, youngsters do not have
time
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 to spend with their family members.
For instance
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, As per the census report published in a leading developing country, In the past few years, in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 hope of better
job
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opportunities
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 40% of youngsters have left their
families
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 and immigrated to other parts of the world. Considering the solution, The Organization should put more emphasis on providing paid vacation leave. If employees have sufficient paid leave,
then
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 they can strengthen the bonds by spending
quality
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time
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 with them.
Furthermore
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, more
job
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opportunities
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 should be available in urban
areas
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. Increasing better
job
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opportunities
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 in urban
areas
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 will help
job
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 seekers to find suitable employment in proximity to their
families
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 and
this
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 will not only help people to spend
quality
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time
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 with their
families
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 but
also
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 help in reducing the population growth in the metropolitan area.
For example
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, the rank of the happiness index of a leading European country has increased
due to
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 the availability of jobs in urban
areas
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. In conclusion, No doubt, unavailability of
time
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 and lack of
job
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opportunities
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 are the main causes of the loss of family ties.
On the contrary
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, providing more
job
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opportunities
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 in the urban
areas
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 and providing paid vacation will help them spend
quality
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time
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 and strengthen their bond with their
families
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.

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task achievement
Ensure you provide a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main ideas of your essay. Your introduction briefly presents the topics but it lacks a strong thesis statement.
task achievement
Develop your main points with specific examples and explanations. The essay presents general ideas but fails to illustrate them with detailed and persuasive examples.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay in clear paragraphs, each containing one main idea. Make better use of linking words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. The essay shows some organization, but the ideas are not always logically connected.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive sentence structures and strive for variety in your language use. This will enhance the reader's engagement and the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Clarify your position throughout the essay, it's important that every paragraph reflects and supports your overall view.
coherence cohesion
Carefully proofread your essay to eliminate grammatical errors and enhance overall language accuracy.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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