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Writing Samples
Band 6

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishments is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion ? What sort of punishments should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children ?

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In the contemporary world, most parents use various
punishments
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 to guide their
kids
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 to learn what integrity or wrongdoing is at an early
age
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. In my point of view, I'm afraid I have to disagree with using different kinds of
punishments
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 for
kids
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 learning early as it affects their
self-esteem
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.
However
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, I suggest promoting standing in a comfortable zone alone, which can be easier to control by teachers or parents, and teaching their
children
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 well-being.
This
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 essay will expound on my opinions and conclude the topic. To commence, there are some reasons for my disagreement with using
punishments
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 at an early
age
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.
First,
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some social science experts claimed that if adults used negative ways to manage their toddlers or pre-schoolers
such
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 as slapping or spanking, it would cause their
kids
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 to feel unwell, have lower
self-esteem
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 and develop anti-social behaviour in their lives.
In addition
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, following the above physical and mental issues could lead to their sons or daughters avoiding exploring new
things
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 as they would worry about anything from negative
punishments
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.
Therefore
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, I oppose having to do
punishments
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 for
kids
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 at an early
age
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 to learn what kinds of
things
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 are wrong or right. Even though I do not stand for starting
punishments
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 at an early
age
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, I suggest promoting standing punishment for schoolers to learn integrity and wrongdoing at school
such
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 as staying in a comfortable zone alone.
For instance
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, some psychologists indicated that adults should use a comfortable zone for
children
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 standing alone when their
children
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 misbehaviour.
This
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 way could be suited for their
children
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 to learn the right
things
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 and not affect their
self-esteem
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 by letting them calm down. In conclusion, I can not entirely agree with using a variety of
punishments
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 for
kids
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 learning early as it affects their
self-esteem
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.
However
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, I suggest promoting standing punishment for schoolers, which is a great way to learn the right and wrong
things
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.

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task achievement
Your essay partially addresses the prompt, but the development of ideas is somewhat limited and repetitive. Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea and distinct supporting points without redundancy.
coherence cohesion
There is an overall structure to the essay, but transitions between ideas and paragraphs can be clearer. Aim to use a broader range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
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