Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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For many, the key to reducing traffic incidents is to impose stricter punishment for driving offences. But for others, the focus should be on different methods. The domain in which most crimes are committed is in driving. It happens on a daily basis, to the point that most drivers are completely desensitized with the law.
This
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is a big problem:
for example
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, speeding. Everybody drives over the speed limit, even though it is prohibited.
However
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, high-speed car crashes are the most deadly, for both driver and pedestrian. So it is not a stupid idea to make rules more severe if an infraction is ever committed.
This
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would make citizens more cautious, leading to fewer accidents and more responsible conductors. Even if some of the accidents that can happen on the road are
due to
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a driver not following the rules, other causes cannot be ignored. Take potholes ,
for instance
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. They are dangerous, cause many deaths, yet they are not in any case created by a person not applying the law.
Nonetheless
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, if we only consider the human factor, we will not account for other problems, sometimes much more serious and dangerous to human lives than any other.
Thus
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, we must face every issue with road safety appropriately , depending on its threat level.
To conclude
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, stricter punishment for violation of the law may help increase road safety by a considerable margin,but I believe that it should not be the only focus. We need to address every single issue if we want to make a greater impact, and it starts with recognising all of our problems.

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task response
For task response, write more about the second view. You talk a lot about strict punishment, but the other side needs more full ideas.
task response
Give a clearer opinion all through the essay. Your last view is clear, but it should be stronger in the body too.
task response
Use more direct and real examples. The example of speeding is good, but the part about potholes needs more detail and link to the question.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make each body paragraph start with one clear main idea. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not smooth. Try to use simple linking words like 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'as a result' in a more natural way.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the idea changes too fast. Break long ideas into shorter steps.
task response
You answer both views and give your own opinion in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
The speeding example helps support your point about strict punishment.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • repeat offenses
  • infrastructure improvements
  • public awareness campaigns
  • reckless driving
  • traffic management technologies
  • intelligent traffic lights
  • speed cameras
  • public transportation
  • minimize
  • enhance safety
  • allocate funds
  • road signs
  • road safety
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