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Band 6

Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private life? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #media #privacy #price #fame #invasion #life
Nowadays many
people
 believe that the way the media treat famous
people
 is unfair and they should be able to have some privacy, other
people
,
on the other hand
, think that
this
 is the price of their fame.In
this
 essay, we will discuss how most of the paparazzi act in front of a VIP and how
this
 can result in bad
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
Firstly
, Is a common opinion that the media has no problem revealing any secret or gossip about the most famous person at that moment, a good example could be when the globally known singer Justin Bieber
has been
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 unfairly accused of harassment in 2017.
Secondly
, it is undeniable that everyone is entitled to some basic human rights and being able to walk from a building to their car without being assaulted by photographers is one of them.
On the other hand
, it is correct to believe that all that fame and money have an expensive price. Without all the gossip, reliable or not, those
people
 might not be as famous as they are, in fact, the actor Ezra Miller was mostly unknown before the 2021 scandal.
In addition
,
mentioning
Verb problem
apply
show examples
Dr. Smith, a famous psychologist, at least 9 stars out of 10 who have been assaulted by a reporter noticed a pitch of popularity never experienced before. In conclusion, despite the fact that Fame has a big price, it is important to protect everyone's rights no matter if they are a plumber, a
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 or a singer. No one can ever take
this
 freedom away, or quoting Dr Smith "is a point of no return"
Submitted by ste.deblasi.97 on

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Task Response
While the essay presents a clear position and discusses both views, the argument could be more fully extended and developed with additional supporting detail. Each paragraph would benefit from more specific examples and clearer explanation of points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The text demonstrates a clear structure, with separate paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the use of cohesive devices could be improved to demonstrate a more sophisticated control of the language.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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