Government investment in arts such as music and theater is a wastage of money. Government must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, comparing the budget of different aspects of a country's
activities
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, like public
services
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and
art
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, is a heated topic. A lot of
people
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claim that politicians must allocate more budget to public transportation, hospitals, education, etc.
Instead
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of investing in cultural
activities
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like the music industry and theatre. I personally disagree with
this
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statement. First of all, Public
services
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play a vital role in the real life of
people
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, and investing in
this
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matter helps
people
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to enjoy their lives.
For instance
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, the number of bus stations around our neighbourhood has increased recently, and we can see a surge in the level of welfare in our community.
Secondly
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, Public
services
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have a strong tie with
people
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's lives.
As a result
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, individuals pay more attention to that. If the number of hospitals is less than standard, it will cause protests in cities, and
this
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can be felt in natural disasters more than ever.
For example
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, during the Bam city earthquake lack of hospitals and ambulances caused a lot of deaths.
Although
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Public
services
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are important to a large extent,
art
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, including music, theatre, museum, film industry, etc, are an inseparable part of being human. These industries give societies happiness and identity.
For example
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, the population of Iran is about 90 million
people
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, and half of
this
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population is restricted from accessing YouTube, but one of Mohsen Yeganeh's songs has been played more than 100 million times on his YouTube channel.
This
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kind of
art
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reminds us that music can unify
people
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worldwide.
Moreover
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,
art
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is an attractive part of every society. It can bring a large number of tourists from around the world. Newyork, Paris, and London are making billions of dollars every year because of holding concerts, theatres and exhibiting museums.
For example
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, the Louvre museum in Paris made more than $500 million
last
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year. So
this
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reminds us that these
activities
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are truly beneficial to our community. In conclusion,
although
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public
services
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are extremely necessary for a country, reducing the budget for
art
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activities
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is a fatal mistake that can cause cultural and economic problems in the long term.

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coherence/cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting sentences to make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Add a few more examples to support your points better.
coherence/cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples to support your arguments, which helped your essay.
coherence/cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets the stage for your argument and states your stance clearly.
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