IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

ome people think that mothers should spend most of their time raising their family, and therefore the government should support them financially. Do you agree or disagree?

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Some believe that mothers should dedicate the majority of their time to raising their
children
Use synonyms
, and
therefore
Linking Words
, the government should provide them with financial support. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. I think that everyone has
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 right
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
choice
Replace the word
choose
show examples
. In my point of view,
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 should take part in kids' upbringing and spend the same amount of time.
Children
Use synonyms
 may have a lot of barriers in life, and
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 should support and teach them.
For example
Linking Words
, a boy falls in love with a girl and doesn’t know how to win a place in her heart. Who's going to help him? Mother? She has never experienced that, and she can't give him handy advice. Father will help him and teach him how to speak with girls; he has experienced a lot of life problems. I reckon that everyone has a choice for their lifestyle, no matter whether woman or
man
Correct article usage
a man
show examples
. If a woman decides to sit at home with kids, it's okay, but if a man forces his wife to do that, it's not right.
For instance
Linking Words
, in my country, the majority of men require their wives to stay at home with
children
Use synonyms
. I find that
this
Linking Words
 is a huge problem.
This
Linking Words
 limits women's freedom and opportunities, preventing them from pursuing their careers and personal ambitions. In conclusion,
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 should share the responsibility of raising their
children
Use synonyms
 equally. Forcing women to stay at home takes away their freedom and limits their opportunities. Everyone should have the right to choose their lifestyle without pressure from society or family. A balanced approach to parenting benefits
both
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
 and
parents
Use synonyms
, creating a healthier and more supportive family environment.

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What works well

2
task achievement

Your essay presents a clear viewpoint and demonstrates a thoughtful approach to the issue of parenting roles.

coherence and cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes your main ideas and reiterates your position on shared parenting responsibilities.

Improvement Suggestions

3
task achievement

Consider refining your introduction to clearly state your position on the topic more strongly and directly.

coherence and cohesion

Work on the logical flow of your ideas by ensuring each point connects clearly to your main argument, possibly using transition words to enhance coherence.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples in your supporting points to make your arguments more compelling.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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