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Writing Samples
Band 5

the bar chart shows the typical weekday for students in three different countries

the bar chart shows the typical weekday for students in three different countries
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The bar chart illustrates the standard workday for undergraduates in three a variety of nations
such
Linking Words
 as the UK, Japan and Germany. As an
overall
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 trend,
students
Use synonyms
 in Japan are more hardworking than others.
Moreover
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, the typical weekday of
students
Use synonyms
 in the United Kingdom and Germany is almost the same.
To begin
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, Japanese undergraduates spent 13 hours per day improving their knowledge more than others.
Also
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 Japanese undergraduates the fewer sleepers in the three countries. The very interesting that Japanese
students
Use synonyms
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 only four hours watching films or relaxing.
On the other hand
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,
students
Use synonyms
 in the United Kingdom spent 7 hours relaxing absolutely the same as German
students
Use synonyms
. Following that, both of them spent practically the same time sleeping.
However
Linking Words
, German schoolchildren spent more time learning new skills than UK
students
Use synonyms
, 8 and 9 respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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