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Band 5

Today many people buy imported food, rather than consuming local products. Do advantages outweigh disadvantages?

#people #food #products
Many individuals tend to consume more goods from foreign countries rather than the local ones.
While
 there
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
may be some benefits of
obtain
Change the verb form
obtaining
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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overseas
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the consumers, I believe that the drawbacks of
this
 tendency are more significant. Purchasing foreign commodities is extremely beneficial from the buyers’ point of view. They may get to experience
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 extent of variety of
products
 which can give them the opportunity to
choose
Verb problem
make
show examples
 their desired selection. There is a likelihood that imported food may not even exist in a particular country,
consequently
Add a comma
consequently,
show examples
 it would capture
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 enormous segment of
market
Add an article
the market
show examples
.
However
, from the economic stance, it would demotivate the local farmers and producers to actively
engaging
Wrong verb form
engage
show examples
 in food production and delivery to the market,
additionally
, there is a huge possibility that it would endanger the economic and food security of the state. In my opinion, the negative sides of
this
 trend outweigh the positive ones. One of the major disadvantages is that when the population redirect its preferences towards international
products
, it creates massive inflation among aforementioned items,
as a result
, not only these
products
and
Correct word choice
but
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also
local’s
Change noun form
local
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one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
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 will change
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. Another negative side is the decoupling
domestic
Change preposition
of domestic
show examples
 farmers and producers from the desire
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to be involved in trade relations.
Therefore
, their reluctance and hesitation would be encroached
by
Change preposition
upon by
show examples
formed
Wrong verb form
forming
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unprecedented
Correct article usage
an unprecedented
show examples
 situation. In conclusion, even though consuming
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international commodities can be plausible from the consumer standpoint,
this
 advantage is clearly overshadowed by two major disadvantages : the surge of prices in the whole market
due to
 buyers’ decision not to select
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
domestic foods and the discouragement of farmers from producing local
products
.
Submitted by ealiyev13182 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical progression of ideas throughout the essay, using a variety of linking words and cohesive devices effectively to maintain coherence.
coherence cohesion
Introduce and conclude the topic with clear statements while ensuring they are expansive enough to encapsulate the essay's main points.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with sufficient development and illustration, potentially including more detailed examples to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task, offering a clear position that is relevant to the essay prompt throughout your response.
task achievement
Express ideas and concepts clearly with a measure of complexity appropriate to the task while avoiding overgeneralization or vague statements.
task achievement
Include relevant, specific examples to substantiate arguments, ensuring that examples are detailed and directly related to the points being made.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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