IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people think that watching movie is a waste of time .do you agree or disagree ?

#people #movie #waste #time
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For decades,
movies
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 have
became
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become
show examples
 common with more and more
people
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 around the world. Filmmakers
continously
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continuously
 develop
movies
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 not only on technology but
also
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 on film genres in order to match and
suitable
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be suitable
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 to a wide range of audiences ages and hobbies.
While
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 many argue that watching
movies
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 is just a waste of
time
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, I find that
movies
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 can be very helpful if we watch them with a proper amount of
time
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 and in the right ways.
Firstly
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,
movies
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 are considered as a potential way to relax
of
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apply
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human
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humans
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.
This
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 is the reason why watching films is one of the most convenient and affordable entertainment. Thanks to the development of technology, nowadays
movies
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 can be
watch
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watched
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 by devices
such
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 as computers, tablets or mobile phones. After a long day
with
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of
show examples
 work and study,
people
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 can release stress by watching their favourite films.
For instance
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, comedy series
are
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is
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 a good example
wheb
Correct your spelling
when
 they make audiences laugh and enjoy.
Secondly
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,
movies
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 help to enhance
imagination
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the imagination
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 and knowledge of
human
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humans
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. For the kids,
movies
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such
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 as
cartoon
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cartoons
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,
fairytale
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fairytales
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 and fantasy will allow them to learn a lot of things which are new to them. From there, they can imagine
about
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apply
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the world around them strongly.
This
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is
Verb problem
has
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 proven helpful as these types of
movies
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 are shown to children at school.
Besides
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 that, many
people
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 gain
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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knowledge about different aspects which they haven't experienced by watching
movies
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 about
traveling
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travelling
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, history, politics
anf
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and
 crimes.
Last
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 by not least,
movies
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 bring
people
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 closer. Many families like watching
movies
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 together as
this
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 makes family members have more
time
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 with each other, talk and share about common topics.
Besides
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 that, a lot of cinema groups are available for strangers to join
then
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 they can enjoy the same hobby and
to
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apply
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become friends later. In conclusion, watching
movies
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 is not a waste of
time
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 since it is beneficial for any type of
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people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
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 at any age.
Movies
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helps
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help
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people
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 to reduce pressures, to learn new things and to have more human interactions when they manage to enjoy
movies
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 with proper times and ways.
Submitted by thanhvan230688 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position and attempts to support your ideas, but it lacks depth in the supporting examples provided. You have presented general points, but there's a need for more specific and detailed examples to illustrate your claims effectively. For example, instead of simply stating that movies are shown to children in school, providing a specific instance of educational content in a movie that contributed to the learning process could enhance the strength of your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has some issues with structuring and connecting ideas fluently. Ideas are generally organized, however, transitions between points can be improved for better logical flow. Consider using a range of cohesive devices and ensure that the connection between sentences within a paragraph, and between paragraphs, is seamless. This can be done by starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences that expand on that specific idea with clarity and then closing it with a sentence that neatly ties the paragraph back to the main topic.
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