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Band 5.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
A large number of people nowadays are eager to consume a considerable amount of food and drink
products
 which are prepared with huge quantities of
sugar
. In my opinion, the government should set a higher price for those kinds of
products
 to encourage the population to eat and drink healthier. One evident benefit to having regulations for
aliments
Correct your spelling
ailments
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 is that it would reduce the rate of the population suffering from health problems.
In other words
, pupils will tend to spend less if the
products
 are much more expensive and
as a
result
Add a comma
result,
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 they can avoid health problems
such
 as obesity or heart attack.
For instance
, some researchers have shown that in the US more than 40% of the population
suffer
Correct subject-verb agreement
suffers
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 from health problems because they prefer to purchase toxic and unhealthy
products
 which might be cheaper than health-giving food.
Secondly
, consuming
much
Rephrase
too much
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sugar
additionally
, it might have adverse effects on human productivity. Some studies state that
the
Correct article usage
a
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 high level of
sugar
 can cause an addiction to the brain since
tongue
Correct article usage
the tongue
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response
Replace the word
responds
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 to the brain which makes humans
to
Change the verb form
apply
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eat repeatedly.
Thus
, if the percentage of
sugar
 in our body is enhanced, that can give a feeling of sleep.
Furthermore
, productivity is part of pupils’ daily routine, if we are not motivated we can not respect our
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
 schedule. Taking all these aspects into account, it is reasonable to say that the physiological and psychological impacts are the underlying factors that incline the government to
soar
Verb problem
raise
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 the prices in order to encourage
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people to have a healthier diet.
Submitted by capibara11 on

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task achievement
Consider adding a counter-argument paragraph to show a broader perspective on the topic.
introduction conclusion present
Strong and clear introduction that outlines the main argument.
logical structure
The essay has a logical structure and each main point is supported with relevant examples.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the points discussed and reinforces the main argument.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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