IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Although more and more people read the news on the Internet, newspaper will remain the most important source of news for the majority of people. Do you agree or disagree.

#people #news #internet #newspaper #source #majority
With the advent of high-tech devices, there is an increasing number of
people
 who are in favour of searching for
news
 on the
Internet
.
Nevertheless
, some
people
 believe that
newspapers
 will still receive the main priority from
news
 readers. From my perspective,
people
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
tend to get
news
 and
information
 on the
Internet
instead
 of
newspapers
.
On the other hand
, using
newspapers
 can bring some advantages for readers at a certain level. In terms of optical health, reading
newspapers
 can help you avoid suffering from eye strain
due to
 blue rays given off by smart device screens.
Furthermore
, the images attached to the
information
 in the newspaper are larger.
This
 can help the elderly read
newspapers
 easily.
On the other hand
, advanced technology
along with
 the availability of the
Internet
 may bring some benefits for using online
news
 searching.
Firstly
, wherever
people
 are , they can access the
Internet
 and find a wide range of
news
 and
information
 from all over the world.
For example
, if you are in Vietnam in 2023, you can still find
news
 from America in 2013 with a click.
Secondly
, with
popularity
Add an article
the popularity
show examples
 of the
Internet
, you can update continuously the
information
 second by second with effortlessness.
For example
, if there is an accident on the road you are about to come across, you can avoid it by reading upgraded
information
 on the
Internet
. In conclusion, a newspaper may still maintain
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 popularity in certain periods with the elderly and bring some benefits for optical health.
However
, It is undisputed that, in the future, with the advent of advanced technology and the
Internet
,
people
 will not sweat for searching
news
 and they can mainly read
news
 on the
Internet
.
Submitted by thuhuyen16992qn on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay maintains a clear position throughout the response. Be careful with contradicting statements, as they can undermine your initial stance and confuse the reader.
Task Achievement
Develop paragraphs sufficiently by expanding on the ideas presented with more specific examples and detailed explanations. Providing concrete examples enhances the persuasiveness and clarity of your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on creating more logical paragraphing and clearer topic sentences. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea and that the overall essay is cohesive with well-connected ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make use of a wider range of cohesive devices to demonstrate your ability to link ideas across and within paragraphs, which contributes to the overall flow of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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