IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many young people do not spend their holidays and weekends doing outdoor activities like hiking and climbing in natural environments. Why? How can they be encouraged to go out?

In today’s modern society,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to stay indoors spending their holidays and days off
instead
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 of going outside, which I believe would have a negative impact on one’s health. In
this
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 essay, I will explain the main reason for
this
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 trend and give effective suggestions to tackle
this
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 issue.
To begin
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 with, in today’s fast-changing world,
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays spend more time on their work to strive for their best performance in order to stand out among their colleagues. After a long week of work,
people
Use synonyms
 often feel exhausted.
As a result
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, they tend to stay at home to relax and recharge.
Moreover
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, outdoor activities
such
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 as hiking and camping are time-consuming and physically demanding, which reduces the willingness of
people
Use synonyms
 to do so. Plus, most
people
Use synonyms
 do not know the advantages of exercising, which
also
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 reduces their interest in sports.
However
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, some approaches can be taken to tackle the problem.
To begin
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 with, the government can hold some educational campaigns to preach the benefits of doing outdoor activities and
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
raise their self-awareness of adopting a healthy lifestyle. By doing so, citizens may realize the importance of exercising, and they may be more willing to go out. What’s more, to encourage individuals, the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
 can establish a compulsory day off for physical health. Once a month, employees can be required to take paid leave to attend sporting events, as long as they have relevant supporting documents, the managers should approve it. In conclusion,
due to
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 the overwhelming workload and lack of knowledge about the benefits of outdoor exercise, decreasing engagement in going outside can be observed.
However
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, I believe that
this
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 problem can be solved by implementing some new policies and regulations. In
this
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 way,
people
Use synonyms
 can stay healthier than before.

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task achievement
You could add more specific examples to support your ideas, especially about outdoor activities.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your main points are clearly connected to your main argument throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try to include more details in your conclusion to summarize your main points clearly.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize your points well.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant and address the question directly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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