Some people say that the best way to improve health is by increasing the number of health facilities.Others,However,say that this woud have little effect on public health and that other measure are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, it is becoming popular for many individuals to seek medical help online rather than visiting a doctor face to face.  I believe that it is a negative development as sometimes it can lead to serious
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
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damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
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to the health of
people
Use synonyms
. The main reason why
people
Use synonyms
choose online medical consultation is the high cost of visiting a doctor. Free healthcare does not allow for timely assistance
due to
Linking Words
long queues at the clinic.
That is
Linking Words
why
people
Use synonyms
are trying to find solutions online to deal with their disease at home.
For example
Linking Words
, my friend developed a rash all over her body. She entered the symptoms on the Internet and ordered an ointment.
This
Linking Words
ointment caused even more rashes
that
Correct word choice
and
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an ambulance had to be called. In the
end
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end,
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it turned out to be chickenpox.
Therefore
Linking Words
, taking any medications without consulting a doctor can be dangerous. To continue, it should be noted the negative impact of self-medication on
people
Use synonyms
's
live
Replace the word
lives
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.
Due to
Linking Words
unprofessionalism and lack of knowledge, a person can harm himself. We all know that some medications are addictive,
such
Linking Words
as sleeping pills and antidepressants.
For example
Linking Words
, a person turned to the Internet with the problem of poor sleep. He is recommended sleeping pills, he starts taking them, which becomes addictive to him. He thinks it is helping him, but it only makes things worse.
This
Linking Words
is how addiction and loss of control over taking these pills
occurs
Correct subject-verb agreement
occur
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. In conclusion, we can refer to the internet for any sources of information except for health
issue
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issues
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. It is recommended that you
had better
Verb problem
apply
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go to
hospital
Correct article usage
the hospital
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anytime you do feel abnormal in your body.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay addresses all parts of the question, including discussing both views presented and giving your own opinion. Your essay focused primarily on one perspective without considering the opposing view or clearly stating your own stance.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on connecting ideas and paragraphs smoothly to enhance coherence. Use a range of cohesive devices effectively and organize paragraphs clearly. Avoid repetition and strive for a structured presentation of your ideas.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive measures
  • underprivileged areas
  • immediate medical intervention
  • significant enhancement
  • lifestyle changes
  • multifaceted approach
  • environmental factors
  • public education
  • physical activity
  • nutrition
  • balanced perspective
  • health services
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