Some people say that the best way to improve health is by increasing the number of health facilities.Others,However,say that this woud have little effect on public health and that other measure are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, it is becoming popular for many individuals to seek medical help online rather than visiting a doctor face to face. I believe that it is a negative development as sometimes it can lead to serious
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
damages
to the health of Fix the agreement mistake
damage
people
.
The main reason why people
choose online medical consultation is the high cost of visiting a doctor. Free healthcare does not allow for timely assistance due to
long queues at the clinic. That is
why people
are trying to find solutions online to deal with their disease at home. For example
, my friend developed a rash all over her body. She entered the symptoms on the Internet and ordered an ointment. This
ointment caused even more rashes that
an ambulance had to be called. In the Correct word choice
and
end
it turned out to be chickenpox. Add a comma
end,
Therefore
, taking any medications without consulting a doctor can be dangerous.
To continue, it should be noted the negative impact of self-medication on people
's live
. Replace the word
lives
Due to
unprofessionalism and lack of knowledge, a person can harm himself. We all know that some medications are addictive, such
as sleeping pills and antidepressants. For example
, a person turned to the Internet with the problem of poor sleep. He is recommended sleeping pills, he starts taking them, which becomes addictive to him. He thinks it is helping him, but it only makes things worse. This
is how addiction and loss of control over taking these pills occurs
.
In conclusion, we can refer to the internet for any sources of information except for health Correct subject-verb agreement
occur
issue
. It is recommended that you Fix the agreement mistake
issues
had better
go to Verb problem
apply
hospital
anytime you do feel abnormal in your body.Correct article usage
the hospital
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay addresses all parts of the question, including discussing both views presented and giving your own opinion. Your essay focused primarily on one perspective without considering the opposing view or clearly stating your own stance.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on connecting ideas and paragraphs smoothly to enhance coherence. Use a range of cohesive devices effectively and organize paragraphs clearly. Avoid repetition and strive for a structured presentation of your ideas.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite