IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

(Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games What ar ethe advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children?)

Currently, more and more people have access to digital gadgets , and a large number of children tend to have more entertainment in playing video games.
While
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 there are some benefits for children , including but not limited to learning new skills and making new friends, the drawbacks will outweigh the positive sides. On the one hand, in the modernised century, it is possible to access social media platforms and spend time there, and it is a more common activity among kids since it offers making friends.
For example
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 , there are a number of people who earn a money from a young age with playing video games even though they are young. It is
also
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 available to cover their needs if they know how to use it in the right way.
Additionally
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, online friends provide distance learning with each other; they can gather online and practice new skills frequently.
Moreover
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, it is the best option to be aware of the latest news and exchange information and ideas with each other.
Thus
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, parents should encourage and allow their kids to be in the computer age.
On the other hand
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, most of the juveniles are addicted to playing a variety of video games for hours and hours.
Due to
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 attractions and different offers on social media platforms, they have a strong desire to play them as much as they can.
However
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, it can be extremely harmful to their eyes. As an example, many, many youngsters suffer from Negative impacts of bad lighting in the virtual world. The more they spend themselves in front of the computer, the more their seeing abilities can be damaged from radiation which is emitted by the phone.
Consequently
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, it leads to some health issues, especially based to mental health.
Therefore
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, there should be a limit on playing digital devices from time to time. In conclusion,
although
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 in the developed era it is more possible to get access to the internet, individuals, especially children, should be regulated with their playing hours and online buddies. Despite utilising laptops, people should train with other activities which they can benefit from.

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task response
Your introduction should clearly state both advantages and disadvantages in a more organized way. Try to make your points easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use clearer linking words to join your ideas together. This will help the reader understand your argument better.
task response
You included some relevant examples to support your points, which is good for the reader's understanding.
coherence cohesion
The basic structure of your essay is present, with clear sections for advantages and disadvantages.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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