Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices in everyday matters such as ( food , clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Others believe that it is important for children to make their own decision about matters that affect them

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Allowing Children to make their own choices or not is a
smoldering
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smouldering
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issue of today's social life and is extremely arguable
due to
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its unquestionable insignificance . one group of
people
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asserts that it should be allowed
while
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
disbelief in that. In the Essay, I will
favored
Wrong verb form
favour
show examples
the children in making their
choice
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. I will Explain
This
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with my examples.
Firstly
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, One group of
people
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believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
young
people
Use synonyms
should be given
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
to make their
Use synonyms
Correct word choice
own choice
show examples
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
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on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
basis matters. No
matters
Fix the agreement mistake
matter
show examples
whatever
Correct pronoun usage
what
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they do in their routine it can be related to food ,clothes or maybe entertainment.
This
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activity makes
people
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able to think and analyze
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
things
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in different ways. In my opinion,
This
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should
helpful
Add a missing verb
be helpful
show examples
for everyone to do shopping with their own
choice
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so that they can learn about many
things
Use synonyms
like pocket management and time management.
Moreover
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, it can
also
Linking Words
help individuals to improve
a
Change the word
their
show examples
ability of decision making. These
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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of different activities can make
people
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more capable and responsible in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
in addition
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, as far am I concerned ,it is
also
Linking Words
Correct article usage
a
show examples
good deed that everyone should be given equal rights to choose different
things
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for themselves which they like much. In contrarily, some
group
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groups
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of individuals have faith that the freedom of
choices
Fix the agreement mistake
choice
show examples
makes
someone
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selfish
who
Correct word choice
and
show examples
only think about their own wishes. Because, whenever the freshers are given permission to do shopping of their
choice
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they do not care about the money .How
the
Add a missing verb
do the
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parents Earn it? and how hard is
to
Correct pronoun usage
it to
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make money
?.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
They do not think these
things
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are good for them or not.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
choice
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of junk food on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
basis is not good for
someone
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to have. It will cause
someone
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to have stomach
problem
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problems
show examples
or some other kind of problems like Fat. In Conclusion, as far as I am concerned, the decisions making affect
someone
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in many ways and
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation should be allowed to make their own wishes. it
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
not cause in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. In my opinion,
Its
Correct your spelling
It's
show examples
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
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responsibility to teach their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
to take care of others
people
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who lives around
there
Correct your spelling
them
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. And how to help others in difficult conditions.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure grammatical accuracy and clarity in expressing your ideas. Many sentences contain errors which obstruct understanding.
coherence cohesion
Develop a clear logical structure with distinct paragraphs, each presenting a unique idea supporting the main argument.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs seamlessly.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task, providing a balanced view where necessary.
task achievement
Formulate your ideas comprehensively, expanding on your reasons with clear explanations and pertinent examples.
task achievement
When presenting examples, ensure they are specific and directly relevant to the arguments being made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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