In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
With myriad developments in technology, the lifetime of each individual become longer. Whilst some
people
opine that elderly people
may cause problems for governments
, others indicate that there are also
advantages. This
essay will explore in which way the advantages outnumber the drawbacks.
First of all, the elderly generation
has a lot of bad or good experiences in this
life. With these experiences, they can advise the young generation
and cast the light through
their future. Change preposition
on
Moreover
, being knowledgeable contributes to the mechanism called wise-desicioning which means helping to cope with the situations that you need to decide in a good way. For instance
, history is an essential subject in order to understand the evolution of life that’s why nearly every stage of education has history lectures. What we learned from history is a key to construct our future. With the elderly generation
’s experiences, we can create our future more wisely.
Secondly
, governments
need to create new workforce spaces in order to balance the economy. Because of
the extraordinary numbers of aged Change preposition
apply
people
create economic imbalance, governments
pay more than they earn. Thus
, they need to invest in creating more job opportunities which may lead to greater good for the unemployed young generation
. Additionally
, the economic force of the country can be improved.
In conclusion, while
some people
believe having a large number of elderly people
in the population creates some problems for local authorities, others think there are also
advantages. In my opinion, elderly people
help the younger generation
to decide more wisely and also
force governments
to create more job opportunities in order to balance the economy which, I believe, outweighs any potential drawbacks.Submitted by asik.melliss on
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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure of your essay, make certain that your paragraphs are well-organized and that your ideas progress in a clear, methodical manner. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence that relates to the overall thesis of your essay. Avoid unnecessary digressions to maintain focus.
coherence cohesion
It's crucial to include both an introduction and a conclusion in your essay. Your introduction needs to contain a thesis statement that provides a brief preview of your arguments. Your conclusion should succinctly summarize your main points and restate your position. Make sure they are fully developed to frame your essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each point made in support of your argument is backed by detailed evidence or examples. This not only strengthens your essay but also demonstrates your ability to critically analyze the topic. Incorporate more specific real-life examples or statistics to substantiate your points.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt to a satisfactory degree by discussing both sides of the issue, but there is room for improvement in providing a complete response to the question. Make sure that you explore all aspects of the prompt thoroughly and present a balanced view before offering your conclusion.
task achievement
While you have presented ideas that are related to the topic, aim for greater clarity and depth in communicating these thoughts. Expand and explain your points further to create a more comprehensive understanding of the subject. Consider exploring each point in more detail, using clearer rationale and more elaborate evidence.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more specific and relevant examples to illustrate the points discussed. These examples not only make your arguments more convincing but also show your understanding of the topic. Use concrete examples that readers can relate to and that clearly support your overall thesis.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example