IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries younger people are increasingly losing interest in teaching. Why is this happening ? What can be done to improve the situation ? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience.

#countries #people #interest #situation
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There are true that in certain nations, the desire to pursue a career in education is rare nowadays. There are a few factors that influence
this
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 issue and I will interpret why I reckon
this
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 as a negative circumstance in forthcoming paragraphs.
Firstly
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, it is not irrefutable for youngsters to take into account salaries.
Moreover
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, it is not a public secret anymore regarding the amount of wages that teachers would receive.
For instance
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, in my country which is Indonesia, educators obtained a minimum wage, specifically under 5 million a month.
Although
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 teaching is a noble occupation, we still have to be realistic in terms of living allowance, especially if you live in a city where it requires you to have at least 10 million a month to provide for your family.
Secondly
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, teachers often have more responsibilities that require completion aside from standard classroom instruction.
For example
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, they may use evenings and weekends to plan lessons, grade assignments, and complete administrative tasks.
Therefore
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, they can often feel burnout by their workload
that is
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 not comparable with their remunerations. 
On the other hand
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, some things could be done to decrease
this
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 awful situation.
To begin
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 with, government can take action by increasing teacher's earnings.
As a result
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, they can teach without hesitation about their well-being. As an illustration, next year in my country, individuals who are occupied in learning fields will have higher income up to 30m a month. On the one hand, in terms of job demands, teachers may have additional breaks to help balance the task load. Creating a schedule with boundaries about where they complete assignments and limiting how much they do outside of work may support a good work-life balance. In conclusion, every country should regard the importance of salary for persons who are in academic sectors because they are
also
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 a precious human being who needs to be taken care of.
Submitted by pnasywasina on

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structure
Ensure that you structure your essay clearly with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each part should serve its purpose: the introduction to introduce the topic and state your position or overview, the body paragraphs to elaborate on each point with supporting examples, and the conclusion to summarize your main points and restate your position.
clarity
Develop clear and distinct topic sentences for each paragraph. It's important that each paragraph contains one main idea and that the idea is clearly communicated in the opening sentence.
linking
Improve coherence by using a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs. Make sure that the essay flows smoothly from one idea to the next.
task response
To fully respond to the task, make sure to address all parts of the question in a balanced way. Each part of the question should be answered with appropriate detail and supported by specific examples or explanations.
support
Your ideas should be explained thoroughly and supported by specific, relevant examples. While some personal examples have been included, relying solely on personal experience or hypothetical examples can limit the development of your arguments. Use a mix of general and specific examples to illustrate your points and show a deep understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • incentives
  • career advancement
  • work-life balance
  • status
  • supportive
  • resources
  • public perception
  • mentorship
  • training programs
  • profession
  • autonomy
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