IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view

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Introduction
It is argued that the older generation have their own way of living , thinking , and behaving.
This
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 contrasts with the opinion of others, who claim that
this
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 view is not helpful for the younger to grow in the modern world. I think that the two opinions can be defended because the older one can give good advice, but not always related to the way we are living right now.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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, I would like to say that the younger can take a lot of profit from the older one. Their background in life can be useful to prevent dangerous things that have already happened in the past.
For example
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, a lot of accidents in sports or at work lead to regulations or the application of new rules. Another example can be a father who struggled but reached wealth after hard work.
This
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 father would teach his son that hard work leads to everything he wants.
Body paragraph 2
By contrast
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, the traditional ideas are not always efficient. As the world is moving, older people can not be right about everything. Sometimes we have to let things move on their own way.
For instance
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,
this
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 is hard for boomers to understand Generation Z about the use of phone
while
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 they never experienced it when they were young.
This
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 is why, when the world is moving too fast, older people can not always be right about the form of living.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, the older generation can help the younger one in life , but sometimes they have to let things go. With the advances today , some experience can be useless. In my opinion, I think that there is always something relevant to take from adults. But we
also
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 have to live life to be comfortable in it.

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task response
Score: 6. Your answer is on the topic and gives both sides. However, make your own view stronger from the start. Say how far you agree, for example: “I partly agree because old ideas are useful for life values, but they may not suit new ways of life.”
task response
Give more detail after each example. Explain why old advice about hard work still helps young people, and why phone use needs new ideas, not only old rules.
task response
Some ideas are too wide. “Hard work leads to everything he wants” is not always true. Use a more careful idea, such as “hard work can help people reach many goals.”
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. Keep one main idea in each body part. In the first part, focus on what old people can teach. In the second part, focus on why some old ideas may not fit today.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between sentences clearer. For example: “This helps young people avoid the same risks. Therefore, advice from older people can still be useful today.”
coherence and cohesion
Your end repeats the same idea in a less clear way. Make it short and direct: “In short, I partly agree. Older people can teach important life lessons, but young people also need to adapt to modern life.”
task response
You give a clear view: older people can help, but their ideas do not always fit life today.
task response
You use two useful examples: safety rules from the past and phone use for young people.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
The words “To begin”, “By contrast”, and “To conclude” help the reader follow your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Traditional ideas
  • Modern life
  • Younger generations
  • Stability
  • Guidance
  • Foundation
  • Cultural heritage
  • Rigid gender roles
  • Resistance to new technologies
  • Adaptability
  • Innovative solutions
  • Respecting elders
  • Maintaining family bonds
  • Stifle progress
  • Fusion of ideas
  • Outdated values
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