IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that parents should teach their students to be good citizens, however believe that school should do this. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #parents #students #citizens #school
I agree that
parents
 should teach their
students
 must be
a good
Correct the article-noun agreement
a good citizen
good citizens
show examples
citizens
, as early as possible
give
Correct word choice
and give
show examples
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to be a good citizen. The main
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 for the child from
parents
, because the
parents
 are the role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
 for their children. The way
teach
Change the verb form
teaches
show examples
 them
throught
Correct your spelling
through
throughout
 habituation in house,
instead
 how to interaction with their
parents
, sibling and other families. The
parents
 can
begin
Add the particle
begin to
show examples
 teach them that we can
make
Verb problem
be
show examples
comfort
Replace the word
comfortable
show examples
and
dont
Correct your spelling
not
 disturb
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other people. it is
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 we keep
safety
Replace the word
safe
show examples
 environment. The child should respect the other people .
Furthermore
, the
parents
 as the main players in shaping attitudes and mindsets for their children to be good
citizens
.
For example
, The
parents
 can make traditions to celebrate in their household if
independence day
Correct your spelling
Independence Day
show examples
 comes up. the
independence
 day comes up so the all
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 family will be together preparation for it like
hang
Wrong verb form
hanging
show examples
 out the flag and
decoration
Replace the word
decorating
show examples
 with
independence
Correct article usage
the independence
show examples
 theme.
While
 they do that, it will
make
Verb problem
bring
show examples
joyful
Replace the word
joy
show examples
 and having a sense proud in the
country
. their children since young.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, if the school has
curriculum
Correct article usage
a curriculum
show examples
 about civilization to make the
students
 become
a good
Correct the article-noun agreement
good citizens
a good citizen
show examples
citizens
.
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree that. Because
this
 is the one of aims
Change preposition
of school
show examples
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
attend
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in the
country
 for development
nation
.
Instead
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Indonesia has a Curriculum about civilization which is having learning
outcame
Correct your spelling
outcome
outcomes
 make the
students
 be
a good
Correct the article-noun agreement
a good citizen
good citizens
show examples
citizens
 and
can be take
Verb problem
apply
show examples
contribution
Replace the word
contribute
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the development of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
. The
students
 can learn about
history
Add an article
the history
show examples
 of
nation
 in the past, how
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 hero can get the
independence
 from opposite, how to
maintenance
Replace the word
maintain
show examples
 our
indepence
Correct your spelling
independent
nation
 and
then
 the
students
 can learn how they make
contribution
Add an article
a contribution
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
.
however
 it is not easy but if the
students
 have loyalty, adherence and desire to build our
country
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it will be easy. in conclusion, not only
parents
Add a missing verb
do parents
show examples
 have
Correct article usage
the responsibilty
show examples
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 to teach their
students
 about the
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
 of civilization but
also
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should do
this
. So we can build our
nation
 to be
developed
Correct article usage
a developed
show examples
country
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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relevant specific examples
Incorporate relevant examples to support your discussion. You used some examples but more specific and detailed instances would strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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