IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that parents should teach their students to be good citizens, however believe that school should do this. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #parents #students #citizens #school
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I agree that
parents
Use synonyms
 should teach their
students
Use synonyms
 must be
a good
Correct the article-noun agreement
a good citizen
good citizens
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citizens
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, as early as possible
give
Correct word choice
and give
show examples
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to be a good citizen. The main
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 for the child from
parents
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, because the
parents
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 are the role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
 for their children. The way
teach
Change the verb form
teaches
show examples
 them
throught
Correct your spelling
through
throughout
 habituation in house,
instead
Linking Words
 how to interaction with their
parents
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, sibling and other families. The
parents
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 can
begin
Add the particle
begin to
show examples
 teach them that we can
make
Verb problem
be
show examples
comfort
Replace the word
comfortable
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and
dont
Correct your spelling
not
 disturb
the
Correct article usage
apply
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other people. it is
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 we keep
safety
Replace the word
safe
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 environment. The child should respect the other people .
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
parents
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 as the main players in shaping attitudes and mindsets for their children to be good
citizens
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.
For example
Linking Words
, The
parents
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 can make traditions to celebrate in their household if
Use synonyms
independence day
Correct your spelling
Independence Day
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 comes up. the
independence
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 day comes up so the all
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
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 family will be together preparation for it like
hang
Wrong verb form
hanging
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 out the flag and
decoration
Replace the word
decorating
show examples
 with
Use synonyms
independence
Correct article usage
the independence
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 theme.
While
Linking Words
 they do that, it will
make
Verb problem
bring
show examples
joyful
Replace the word
joy
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 and having a sense proud in the
country
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. their children since young.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
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, if the school has
curriculum
Correct article usage
a curriculum
show examples
 about civilization to make the
students
Use synonyms
 become
a good
Correct the article-noun agreement
good citizens
a good citizen
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citizens
Use synonyms
.
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree that. Because
this
Linking Words
 is the one of aims
Change preposition
of school
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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attend
Verb problem
apply
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in the
country
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 for development
nation
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.
Instead
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Indonesia has a Curriculum about civilization which is having learning
outcame
Correct your spelling
outcome
outcomes
 make the
students
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 be
a good
Correct the article-noun agreement
a good citizen
good citizens
show examples
citizens
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 and
can be take
Verb problem
apply
show examples
contribution
Replace the word
contribute
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for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the development of
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
a country
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. The
students
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 can learn about
history
Add an article
the history
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 of
nation
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 in the past, how
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 hero can get the
independence
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 from opposite, how to
maintenance
Replace the word
maintain
show examples
 our
indepence
Correct your spelling
independent
nation
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 and
then
Linking Words
 the
students
Use synonyms
 can learn how they make
contribution
Add an article
a contribution
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for
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
.
however
Linking Words
 it is not easy but if the
students
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 have loyalty, adherence and desire to build our
country
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so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it will be easy. in conclusion, not only
Use synonyms
parents
Add a missing verb
do parents
show examples
 have
Correct article usage
the responsibilty
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responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 to teach their
students
Use synonyms
 about the
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
 of civilization but
also
Linking Words
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should do
this
Linking Words
. So we can build our
nation
Use synonyms
 to be
developed
Correct article usage
a developed
show examples
country
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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introduction conclusion
Ensure that your introduction provides a clear overview of what will be discussed and include a specific thesis statement. Your essay lacked a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential to establish context and summarise your arguments.
logical structure
Develop clear and logical paragraphs. Each paragraph should have one main idea that is explained and supported by evidence. Your essay had some difficulty in maintaining a logical flow and paragraph structure wasn't coherent throughout.
supported main points
To achieve a higher score, make sure that your main points are clear and that each is elaborated on with explanations or examples. You provided some relevant examples but the explanation and expansion of these were lacking.
complete response
The response needs to thoroughly address all parts of the task. The conclusion should restate your opinion clearly. Your essay touched on the task but failed to fully address each component, particularly a clear opinion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on structuring your essay to present ideas in a more clear and comprehensive manner. Ensure that each paragraph has a topic sentence followed by support and a closing sentence.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate relevant examples to support your discussion. You used some examples but more specific and detailed instances would strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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