IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Childhood obesity is being a serious problem in many countries. What are the causes of this? What solutions can be offered?

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Nowadays, Many countries facing childhood
obesity
Use synonyms
problems
Use synonyms
 with
a severe conditions
Correct the article-noun agreement
severe conditions
a severe condition
show examples
 and how
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 will
be solve
Change the verb form
be solved
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 easily. In my opinion, I will explain about
this
Linking Words
obesity
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
,
Some
Change preposition
in Some
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 countries people
taking
Verb problem
eat
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 junk
food
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 easily like bread,
burger
Fix the agreement mistake
burgers
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,
pizza
Correct word choice
and pizza
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 with different sauces.
For instance
Linking Words
, people are spending more time in
office
Fix the agreement mistake
offices
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, shops,
outdoor
Correct word choice
and outdoor
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 activities that time they
are
Verb problem
do
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 not
preferencing
Replace the word
prefer
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 regular
food
Use synonyms
habits
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
impressing
Verb problem
eating
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 junk foods
eating
Verb problem
apply
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regularly
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will affect on child
obesity
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 with their many health
issues
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 and early stages of knee pain, back pain and heart
issues
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, have to change
Use synonyms
food
Correct pronoun usage
their food
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habits
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 eating time at early dinner and
calories
Fix the agreement mistake
calorie
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count
Correct subject-verb agreement
counts
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also
Linking Words
 important for
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
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habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, if we change
the
Change the word
our
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food
Use synonyms
habits
Use synonyms
 it will easily reduce the
obesity
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issues
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 in many countries many of them are not taking care of health
issues
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 and not doing regular exercises.
Secondly
Linking Words
, In
early
Correct article usage
the early
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 stages we have to teach
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
kids from 5 years morning eat
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 breakfast, afternoon have carbohydrates and
then
Linking Words
 dinner
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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light-weight
Use synonyms
food taking
Add a hyphen
food-taking
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practices
Fix the agreement mistake
practice
show examples
.
Finally
Linking Words
, "practice makes man perfect"
have
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 to follow these steps it will help for childhood
obesity
Use synonyms
problems
Use synonyms
 early stages.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
obesity
Use synonyms
problems
Use synonyms
contains
Change the verb form
contain
show examples
 junk
food
Use synonyms
habits
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
food
Use synonyms
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 can change easily with physical exercises and regular walking practices.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure that is normally expected in IELTS responses. Introduction and conclusion are not well developed, though present. The supporting main points need more development and organization to show a logical argument.
task achievement
The response is incomplete and fails to fully answer the question. The ideas are not clear or comprehensive, and relevant examples are limited, which affects the ability to demonstrate task achievement. Ensure you address all parts of the task clearly and provide fully developed ideas with specific examples.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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