IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Medical professionals such as doctors or nurses from poorer countries often migrate to richer countries to work. What problems arise from this situation? What measures can be taken to deal with it?

#professionals #doctors #nurses #countries #work #situation #measures
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It has been observed that developing
countries
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 experience a large number of medical workers migrating to more developed
countries
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 for employment.
As a result
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, different causes for concern arise in those less wealthy nations. There are a variety of possible reasons for the high level of migrants of doctors and nurses, but steps can be taken to tackle
this
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 problem. One of the problems associated with medical
professionals
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 leaving their
countries
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 is that it causes a shortage in medical care in poorer
countries
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, which have higher rates of fatality when facing diseases
due to
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 poor access to medicines.
Therefore
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, in the case of an emergency
such
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 as the COVID-19 pandemic, an alarming number of deaths was largely
due to
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 a lack of qualified
professionals
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 and treatments.
This
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further
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 reinforced the pressure of the pandemic in less developed
countries
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. Another issue arising from
this
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 phenomenon is that it may cause an increase in cost that the government needs to cover to train younger students to become future doctors or nurses. A good illustration of
this
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 is scholarships, grants, and subsidies the government gave to medical students as an incentive for them to stay in the country. Some actions could be undertaken to deal with
this
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 issue, including
further
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 improvement in working conditions and benefits for medical
professionals
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.
For instance
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, higher salaries, better bonuses, and extended holidays are examples of
this
Linking Words
 method.
Moreover
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, opportunities for career advancement should be plentiful and fair in order to hold the workers as poorer
countries
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' corruption rate tends to be higher than in more developed regions. By providing constant and updated training sessions for the current doctors and nurses, the government can ensure that the medical workforce is as capable as those in other wealthier
countries
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.
In other words
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, medical
professionals
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 in the country would be less likely to reach out for training in the developed ones. In general,
although
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 the migration of medical workers is still a challenging problem less developed nations have to face,
this
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 issue can be mitigated if measures are implemented effectively by governments.
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Coherence & Cohesion
To improve your logical structure, ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences within the paragraph connect clearly to that topic. Transition words should be used effectively to guide the reader through the arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Introduction and conclusion could be strengthened by making a clearer argument and summarizing key points more explicitly. The introduction should clearly state the purpose of the essay, and the conclusion should succinctly tie all points together, restating the significance of the issue.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support your main points with a mix of general statements and specific, detailed examples. Avoid generalizations that are not backed by specific evidence. This will add depth to your arguments and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
For a higher score in task achievement, ensure that you fully address all parts of the task. Provide a clear position throughout the response and avoid being too general. Develop your main ideas thoroughly supported by adequate detail and example.
Task Achievement
Aim for clarity in delivering your ideas. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and be elaborated upon with clear, relevant examples. Avoid ambiguity by expressing your points as directly and straightforwardly as possible.
Task Achievement
Use specific, relevant examples to back up your points. These examples need to be clearly linked to the main argument and show a deep understanding of the issue. Where possible, quantify your examples to add weight to your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Brain drain
  • Healthcare sector
  • Workload
  • Cultural barriers
  • Economic implications
  • Quality of care
  • Mortality rates
  • Incentivize
  • Remuneration
  • International agreements
  • Infrastructure
  • Underserved areas
  • Exchange programs
What to do next:
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