In some countries young people are not only richer, but also safer and healthier than ever before. However, they are often less happy. What do you think are the reasons for this and what can be done to help?

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Today in some countries,
although
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the young generation living a better
life
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(richer, safer, and healthier) than ever before, some of them often feel not really happy with their
life
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. In
this
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essay, I will examine the factors that contribute towards
this
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situation and propose some solutions to help them. In my opinion, there are a few reasons why young
people
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feel less happy. First and foremost, the advancement of technology plays a crucial role in transforming
people
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's behaviour. Nowadays,
the
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apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
most population is a user of social
media
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which keeps them busy with their online
life
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. To illustrate
this
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, let's say a decade ago, students used to play with their
friends
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after school, but today some of them may choose to go home and just scroll down their Instagram or TikTok.
This
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circumstance decreases real interaction which
then
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makes them become more easy to burn out.
Moreover
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, if
people
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are active on social
media
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, they will be easily exposed to their
friends
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' successful lives. It is probably not good for their mental health since they will compare each other's lives.
Secondly
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, young adults may be burdened with their society which indirectly forces them to become successful. As many of the previous generations already settled with their
life
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, young
people
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may feel they have to achieve more. To overcome
this
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issue, several ways can be taken. The first thing young
people
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can do is try to interact with real
people
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. What I mean by
this
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is they need to maximize their social
media
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to join some community
such
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as a cycling group, a book lovers society, or a blind-date class,
thus
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driving them to make new
friends
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. It is a really good idea since there are
alot
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a lot

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of things like that on the Internet recently.
However
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, if they still feel unhappy and somehow it is getting worse, I suppose they to seek professional help like going to a counselling session. In conclusion, the circumstances where young
people
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feel less happy are caused by several factors and need a solutive way to help them. The advancement of technology, their social
media
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, and the burdened feeling may be the several reasons behind their feeling.
Therefore
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I suggest that young adults have more interaction with real
friends
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

rather than be busy with their online lives.
In addition
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they may need to explore new things or even go to a psychologist if they need to.

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Example Specificity
To further enrich your essay, try to include more diverse and detailed examples to illustrate your points. Although you've provided general examples, such as the impact of social media on interpersonal relationships, more specific instances could enhance your argument's depth and authenticity.
Linking Words Variety
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. While your essay is well organized, incorporating a more varied selection of transitions could make your writing even smoother and more coherent.
Understanding and Response
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic, effectively addressing both the reasons behind the issue and proposing thoughtful solutions.
Structure
You've structured your essay logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that summarises the main points effectively.
Analysis Depth
The use of real-life implications and societal pressures as reasons for young people's unhappiness shows a deep level of analysis.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Elderly
  • Accumulated wisdom
  • Tradition and history
  • Guidance
  • Family life
  • Cultural practices
  • Innovation
  • Technological advancement
  • Economic productivity
  • Adaptable
  • Globalized societies
  • Physical attributes
  • Labor force
  • Economic growth
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