IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people makes? Has this become a positive or negative development?

In
this
Linking Words
 day and age,
technology
Use synonyms
 has improved,
while
Linking Words
 several ways of
communication
Use synonyms
 have been very varied,
such
Linking Words
 as smartphones, laptops and so forth. In my perspective,
technology
Use synonyms
 is an effective development not only for
people
Use synonyms
's
communication
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 raising other aspects of professions. There are a considerable number of improvements.
First,
Linking Words
the
technology
Use synonyms
 makes
communication
Use synonyms
 easier and almost every individual has access to their devices to have either audio calls or face-to-face conversations, with everyone that they know.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who are far from each other can make conversation on the internet by using smartphones.
Although
Linking Words
 visiting in person might be slightly better than online, it might waste a lot of time.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that,
technology
Use synonyms
 helps
people
Use synonyms
 to establish their online businesses which has a dozen benefits to them.
For example
Linking Words
, most
people
Use synonyms
 start their job on the internet and some specific platforms
such
Linking Words
 as Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. They do not spend huge amounts of money on renting places and street advertisements.
In contrast
Linking Words
, they can invest to make a chain
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
of customers who may be far
precious
Correct quantifier usage
more precious
show examples
 than others who just browsing and are not keen on buying anything after spending a lot of time. In conclusion,
technology
Use synonyms
 is likely to contribute
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
public to
Change preposition
public's
show examples
 better
communication
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different ways. Following that,
technology
Use synonyms
 is getting more and more popular among
people
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 is inevitable.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay adequately addresses the topic, but could improve by providing a more balanced discussion on both positive and negative developments of technology on relationships. The response must cover all aspects of the prompt more comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
Ideas are organized and there is a clear progression throughout the text. However, the essay would benefit from a clearer topic sentence for each paragraph and more varied use of cohesive devices to better signal the relationship between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported, but the development of ideas is somewhat limited. Try to provide more detailed examples and explanations to fully support the argument, including specific impacts on relationships and potential drawbacks of technology.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • technology
  • interact
  • relationships
  • connectivity
  • communication
  • online
  • face-to-face
  • friendships
  • romantic relationships
  • family dynamics
  • positive
  • negative
  • development
  • effects
  • formation
  • ease
  • impacts
  • communities
  • connect
  • interaction
What to do next:
Look at other essays: